Hypoxia
by goldengreaser
Summary: AU: They were drowning you, they mght have killed you... Some things are worse than death
1. The Drowning

**Poll- Which story do you want published**

**1. A Ponyboy kidnapping story- **_**Two Worlds, a lie and the Truth**_

**2. Ponyboy injured- **_**Hypoxia**_

**I am working on both and will update a couple of chapter of each. The story with the most reviews will recive focus first.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders**

You know what a soc is?" I said, my voice shaking with rage. 'White trash with Mustangs and madras." And than because I couldn't think of anything bad enough to call them, I spit at them.

Bob shook his head, smiling slowly. "You could use a bath, greaser. And a good working over. And we got all night to do it. Give the kid a bath David."

I ducked and ran for it, but the socs got to me anyway. I don't reckon I'm at my best when I'm scared like I was then. The socs twisted my arm behind my back and dragged me to the fountain. I struggled but I couldn't get free.1

I felt my spin tingle as it was placed into the icy water. I twisted and tried once more to get free. It was no use. Bob, David and some other guy held me in some death grip for what felt like hours.

My head felt funny, kind of fuzzy. Everything was distant and hazy. I thought I could hear Johnny screaming but I couldn't be sure. I thought wildly that I was never going to get out of this. I was never going to see the gang again, or Soda or even Darry.

I fought and struggled but the world grew hazer and Johnny's screaming grew fainter. I felt my head bang against something hard. I knew that it should hurt but I felt somewhat detached. The banging stopped. They lifted me up briefly before putting me back in the water. Another hand came and held me under.

My head was spinning and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. My lungs seized and burned. I struggled and fought for air but nothing came.

My vision grew fuzzy and I was all but deaf to Johnny's cries. I gasped one more time but no air came. My world grew dark and silent and I found myself falling into the darkness.

**Darry's Pov**

I stared at my hand for the longest time. Three hours! It had been three hours and fifteen minutes since I had hit my baby brother. I couldn't stop shaking.

Nobody in our family had ever hit Ponyboy. I mean sure we used to jab each other on the shoulders sometimes but nobody had ever hit him like I had. My parents didn't believe in spanking and so Pony had never been beaten.

I felt horrible. I was supposed to be taking care of him. I promised my parents I wouldn't let anything happen to him or Soda. I would be there to take care of them. Instead I had hurt Ponyboy. Now he was off to God only knows where.

I felt a slight touch on my shoulder and jerked in surprise. "He'll come home won't he Darry? .Ponyboy needs some time to cool off but he'll be home." It was Soda. I turned around. His eyes were tired and sad.

He and Ponyboy are so close. Most of the time I envy their relationship. Lately Ponyboy and I do nothing but fight. I love the kid so much but I can't seem to do anything but nag and yell at him. But Soda, he can get the kid to do anything. Pony tells him everything. I always end up being the bad guy.

I'm just so worried that something is going to happen to him. I couldn't bare it if it did. Pony attracts trouble like honey draws flies; and it doesn't help matters that his head stays in the clouds. I have to be hard on him or he would get hurt.

I sighed and looked back at Soda. He tried in vain to smile. "Pony'll be fine."

I don't know if he was saying that to me or to himself. I bit my lip. _"Please come home baby."_ I thought silently. _"I don't know what we'd do with out you."_

Soda plopped down on the sofa. He ran his hands threw his hair. I felt horrible then. I sat down beside him. What had I done? "Darry?"

"Yeha little buddy?" I licked my lips nervously.

"Maybe you should call the cops."

I nodded my head and stood up. Just as I was about to get to the doorbell, it rang. I looked at Soda startled. Nobody ever rang the door. It was always unlocked.

"Maybe it's Pony." It was wishful thinking. Pony knew the door was unlocked. I walked over to the door and turned the handle. A police officer stood there. He took of his hat and put it to his chest. I was eerily reminded of that winter night eight months ago, the night I lost my parents. It scared me.

"Is this the Curtis residence?"

Soda walked over to me. I looked back at him bur turned away quickly. His face was ashen and bleak. "Yes," I said gruffly, "It is."

"I'm officer White with the Tulsa Police Department. We got a call around three hours ago. There was a fight, more of a jumping in the park."

"_Please no…." _I thought wearily. _"Oh God, no, no please not Pony…." _ "And?" I asked.

"Your younger brother is at Tulsa Memorial. I'm afraid _I_ cannot tell you anymore then that but I can escort you there."

"Thank you"

He looked down at his feet. I can give you a lift to the hospital. With my lights on I can give you a quick escort."

I nodded my head. "Soda gets your shoes on." I didn't have to tell him twice. Soda was quick to obey.

This is an excerpt from Ch 4 of _The Outsiders_ © SE Hinton 1967


	2. Waiting

**Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders**

The ride to the hospital was uncomfortably silent. Soda bounced his leg up and down in a nervous fidget. Every few seconds he glanced out the window. I just stared straight ahead. My mouth was dry but my eyes felt wet. I squeezed them scooping back the tears. I couldn't lose my cool, not now.

I took a deep breath and turned to get a better look at Soda. His face was deathly pale. I stifled the urge to sigh. The last time I sat in a cop car was that January day I was rushed to identify my parents. The idea that I might be doing the same thing with Pony made me sick.

If he was perfectly fine then we wouldn't be in this car. A cop would have brought him home or we'd been called by the hospital. I recalled yesterday easily felt my stomach churn. Five minutes later and my brother could have been, could have been, I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't think about it.

"We're here." The cop said pulling to the curb. Soda and I got out. Soda was shivering all over. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I had done this to him. I flinched but stopped when Soda turned to look at me. I had to be strong. I had to be stable; I had to be tough. Soda needed me.

"Just follow me. We are going to the pediatric ward. There is a waiting room there." Oh lordie, pediatrics. Pony's still a kid, a little kid.

Sodapop and I wordlessly followed the cop. Into the hospital, to the elevator and up three floors we went. The Pediatrics ward was a stark contrast to any of the other floors I had seen. The nurse's station was filled with stuffed animals and toys. The walls were lined with teddy bear wallpaper. Glory teddy bears, this whole hall was filled with little kids. My stomach did a summersault.

The cop led us into an empty waiting room. There were quite a few chairs, a bench, some vending machines and some books. It too had toys and games. This had dinosaur wallpaper; the same Soda and I had when we were kids. I couldn't stand to look at it.

I took a deep breath and looked at Soda. He looked like he could cry any moment. He's as tough as the next guy but Soda can be real emotional. I wanted to cry but I couldn't right now. I had to be strong. I had to be in control, for Soda and Pony.

"The doctor will be here soon. I have to go back on duty. I am so sorry I couldn't tell you more." I nodded my head leaned against the wall. and sat down. I kept my head low and glanced at my watch, six A.M.

It had been four hours, twelve minutes since I had hit him. My parents never ever hit us. I didn't even get smacked when I got plum wasted that night after a football game. Soda didn't even get a whipping when he wrecked mom and dad's car last summer.

But I hit Pony. I was always, always nagging at him and yelling at him. I don't think I've said anything good to him in eight months. I wouldn't blame him if he hated my guts. I hated myself for sure. Sighing a just stared at the ground.

* * * * * * * * * *

**Sodapop's Pov**

I don't know how long we were waiting there. It could have been minutes or hours. I don't have a great grasp on time and worrying about Pony didn't help much, not much at all. I love him so much. He's my little brother and we have always been really close. Even when we were little kids we were always together. After we lost our folks we became even closer.

Darry sat down beside me. He looked awful. His eyes had circles around them from lack of sleep and if you looked closely you could see he had lost weight. He felt just awful for hitting Ponyboy. Nobody in our family has ever hit him not really. There was the occasional wrestling max but my parents never beat us. They certainly never allowed us to hit one another.

Darry would never ever intentionally hurt our baby brother. I get mad sometimes because he nags and yells so much but he doesn't mean to come off that way. Darry is nuts about Ponyboy. He's just never been good with showing it. Yelling is all he knows to do.

He worries about Ponyboy so much. I mean Pony's still just a kid, he's the baby. Darry doesn't know what else to do. He's just so scared something's going to happen to him. Only now it has.

I sighed. Darry looked over at me and tried to smile. "Come here Pepsi- Cola." he patted the bench beside him. I walked over and sat down. Darry ran his hand threw my hair and messed it up. It's his own way of showing affection, usually reserved for Ponyboy.

"Darry?"

"Yeha little buddy?"

"Is Pony going to be okay?" I felt like a baby for asking it. I mean I didn't sound tough at all. I didn't care though. I'm not completely ashamed to admit that I'm a bit of a bawl baby and sometimes need reassurance. Darry didn't have any to give.

"I don't know Pepsi- Cola, I just don't know. We'll have to wait and see." I nodded and lay my head on Darry's shoulder. He gave a tiny smile then. "Stretch out and get yourself some rest Soda. It could be awhile before we know anything. I bet you haven't slept for more than two hours since last night."

That was the typical Darry these days. He always has to be the adult, the mother hen. I nodded. Things were bad enough without him having to worry about me. I didn't want to add my being sick from lack of sleep onto his already very hefty plate.

So I lifted my head from his shoulder and stretched out and lay my head in his lap. "Wake me when a doctor comes?" I asked yawning.

"Promise." Darry said mussing up my hair once more. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	3. Anoxio of the Heart

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

I looked at my watch and back at the clock on the wall. It was eight A.M. I was late for work and so was Soda but right about now that didn't seem to matter. All I could think about was Ponyboy. It had been two hours and we hadn't heard a word. Soda slept on and I was getting anxious. I was getting anxious.

I had nothing to but wait and wonder about my little brother. I've been rough with my brother lately and if he's hurt it will be my entire fault. And if I lost him, well I just couldn't bear to think about that. I guess I come off pretty awful to him sometimes. I overheard him one night telling Soda he thought I hated him.

I didn't know how to tell him that just wasn't true. I gave up school for him. In my own way it was a little selfish. The thought of being separated from my brothers for such a long time right after losing our parents killed me. I always thought of going off to school but at least then we'd have contact. They would be together and I wouldn't be far off. We could visit whenever I felt like it. In a boy's home, away from his family, Ponyboy would be all alone. I love being around him and Soda. I couldn't bare us being broken up like that. Who knows when and if we'd see each other again?

I know Ponyboy and me are and have never been as close as either of us is with Soda but I'm still nuts about the kid. He and I have always had athletics in common. Before our parents died, back when I was in high school, I used to go running. It was a part of training for football. Ponyboy would always be right there with me. It never was a burden either. The kid was always so fast.

Then there was the school thing. We both have been kind of bookish, Pony more than me. I remember how he always used to beg me to tell him about the books I was reading. When he was eleven and I was eighteen I had to read _The Carpetbaggers_. I warned Ponyboy he wasn't ready for that book but he went and read it anyways. He understood it too.

He's always been quite, sensitive. I guess that helped him be less annoying. Other then reading and running I had so little time for him. But sometimes I let him tag along. He never made a nuisance of himself. Soda used to pester me but Ponyboy was more pensive, more solitary. It was all we could do when he was little to get him to socialize.

That's part of the reason I worry about him so much. He'd never admit it but Ponyboy's sensitive. His head is always up in the clouds. I'm afraid somebody's going to take advantage of that and hurt him. I don't want my brother to stop being so good and I don't want to see him hurt.

I sighed and looked down at Soda. At least he was finally starting to get me to worry less. He actually was getting some sleep. I pushed back his hair lovingly hoping everything with Ponyboy would be okay.

The was bare except for Soda and me. I yawned as a doctor walked out. "Family of Ponyboy Curtis." His face was grim. I sighed and shook Soda awake.

"Come on Pepsi-Cola. The doctor wants to talk to us." Soda stirred and sat up. He yawned and followed me over to the doctor.

He had a medium build with grayish hair. His eyes were tired and weary His face was grim. All of a sudden I wasn't so sure if I wante4d to hear what he had to say.

"Are you the family of Ponyboy Curtis?" he asked.

"I'm his guardian Darrel and this is our other brother Sodapop."

"You must have had creative parents."

"Yes sir." I hated the word had, but I didn't like to think about that.

The doctor ran a hand threw his head. He seemed upset. "Okay, I am sure you are wondering about Ponyboy.

_"More than anything."_ I thought but just nodded my head in reply.

"What happened?" Soda asked? "All the cop would say is that he was jumped."

The doctor fiddled with his stethoscope. He wouldn't look directly at us. I knew that gesture to well. It wasn't a good sign. "Your brother and another young man were at Chester Street Park……"

"Another young man?" I looked at Soda. He knew as well as I did it had to be one of the gang. Maybe it wasn't so bad. If there were two of them.......

"Yes a Johnny Cade."

Glory Johnny was so little. He and Pony are good fighters and even better together but they are both awful small. Soda said nothing and I didn't offer anything to his silence.

"As I was saying your brother and Mr. Cade were at Chester street park when a group of five boys approached them. The boys were drunk, angry about some earlier confrontation. I think it had to do with their girlfriends. As I was saying three of the boys grabbed your brother and repeatedly dunked him in the park's fountain. He banged his head and but eventually they resorted to dunking his whole body."

"Is he okay?" Soda asked quickly almost slurring is words.

The doctor ran a hand threw his hair and shook his head. "Your brother went a long time without oxygen, a very, very long time."

"But he's okay right. I mean it was just some water?" I looked at the doctor for an answer to my brother's question. His face was grim. I felt my face turn white and I balled up my fists.

"Please sit down and let me explain." I nodded toward Soda. His face was now as white as my own. "Ponyboy has had a near drowning accident. He is suffering from a hypoxic-anoxic injury."

"A what anoxic injury?" I asked. I was good at science in school but we didn't cover much about anatomy and physiology.

"Hypoxia is a pathological condition in which the body as a whole, generalized hypoxia, or a region of the body, tissue hypoxia is deprived of adequate oxygen supply. _Hypoxic_refers to a partial lack of oxygen; _anoxic_ means a total lack. In general, the more complete the deprivation, the more severe the harm to the brain and the greater the consequences."

Soda looked at me, his face thoroughly confused. "Darry?" I was starting to get the gist but he wasn't. The doctor, must have noticed this too because he started to go more in depth.

"Our bodies require oxygen in order to metabolize glucose. This process provides energy for the cells. The brain consumes about a fifth of the body's total oxygen supply, and needs energy to transmit _electrochemical impulses_ between cells and to maintain the ability of neurons to receive and respond to these signals. Cells of the brain will start to die within a few minutes if they are deprived of oxygen. Brain function is lost. The more time without oxygen the more damage is done. This can lead to coma and or death as well as many lasting and debilitating side effects."

**Ahh, glory**. Poor Pony. It was all my fault. "Ponyboy went without oxygen for a good thirty or forty minutes. The stress on the body as well as the physical trauma to the head caused a bleed in the brain. We took him into surgery to fix the bleed. He made it through but never regained consciousness. His pupils are fixed and dilated. This is indicative of a severe brain injury."

I heard Soda sniffle. "But he's going to be okay right? I mean he's just a kid. He's really healthy and all."

The doctor sighed. "I'm afraid it does not look good. I really am sorry but your brother, if even lives, will never be the same again. He is not breathing on his own and is all but unresponsive. We have him on a breathing apparatus and hooked to IV fluids. If he does come out of the coma it is most likely to be into a vegetative state. This is basically a sort of wakeful unresponsiveness in which some brain functions continue to operate but with no apparent consciousness. The lights are on but nobody is home. "

"_I didn't mean to! I didn't think! I forgot! That all I hear out of you! Can't you think of anything?"_ I closed my eyes remembering the words I spoke just a few hours earlier. The irony of them was not lost on me but it wasn't humorous. I fought back tears.

"I'm sorry to add to your burden but there are some other concerns as well. The time without oxygen had a significant effect on Ponyboy's other organs as well, most specifically his heart. Right now it is very weak and having trouble pumping blood. We may need to ask you to donate some to relive the strain on his heart. As well we had to drain his lungs of fluid. He is very open to infection and we are not sure he can fight off any illness. Because he was drowned in standing water we need to be on our toes Is Ponyboy allergic to any antibiotic?"

I shook my head, no. "Okay we will start him on one through IV drip as soon as possible then. I must warn you thought to be prepared for the worst. Ponyboy has a twenty-five percent chance of living but there is one hundred percent chance of brain damage, severe damage at that."

I nodded. Soda began to cry. I pulled him to me not even daring to look at him if I did I would bawl too. "Can we see him?" I asked dryly. The doctor nodded.

"I think it is a good idea. It might give him some encouragement to live. There is some dispute in the medical community about coma patients and their ability to hear what is going on. With Ponyboy's severe damage it is unlikely that he can hear you but it cannot hurt to try."

"Thanks." Soda sobbed. He clinged to my shoulder.

"Follow me he is in the ICU just through this hallway." The doctor looked at us quickly. "This isn't going to be a pleasant site."

I reached back behind me and squeezed Soda's trembling hand. "We know." I said gruffly, "We know."

**I did my research I want to be as accurate as possible. **

**I will update my other poll story once more two. In three weeks, based on my poll my decision will be made.**


	4. ICU

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

We walked through two big double doors. I had my hand on Soda's shoulder the whole time. He leaned into me. I could feel him shaking. By now I was too. I wasn't sure if either of us was ready to see Ponyboy like that but we had to.

The ICU was probably the most depressing room on any floor but here it was so, I can't even explain it. There's something about a hurt kid that just kind of eats at you, you know; and there were a lot of sick kids here. I could see through the glass just how small some of them were too.

We reached the end of the hall and Soda let out a whimper. I felt my guilt eating at me even more. "Are you ready?"

Of course I wasn't ready. I would never be ready for this. I couldn't look at Pony knowing I caused this. I just couldn't. "Yes." I lied.

The doctor opened the door and walked in with us. I shook as I looked up. Ponyboy was on a hospital bed. There were tubes and wires everywhere. He looked so small and pale. There were IVs in both arms. The machines practically ate him up so that he looked, tiny fragile. He was so little in the bed.

I felt hot tears well into my eyes. How could he live, how could he be like this and live? It was my fault. I had put him there. I had run him off and now either way he was as good as dead.

"Ah, Pony." I heard Soda whisper silently to himself. "Pony…" His voice grew louder. He fell to his knees and started to shake. Soda was bawling and my heart was breaking. That little voice echoed louder and louder within me. _"THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU DID THIS!"_ I gulped and knelt beside my brother.

"Its okay Pepsi. Just come on." I started to cry. I was loseing it. I was loseing it and there was nothing I could do. "We got, we need to be strong." I helped Soda up and turned him to look at me. His eyes were wide, haunted.

"I can't Darry. I…I can't stand to see him like that."

"_YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS!"_

I bit my lower lip. 'Come on little buddy. We got to." I took a deep breath trying to fight back more tears. "He needs us."

"_He needs Sodapop. He doesn't need you. You did this to him. He'd hate you. You as good as killed him." _

"Okay. I'll do it." Soda walked inaudibly to the bed and peered down at our brother. I walked to the end of the bed and just watched the two of them. I didn't dare touch Ponyboy. My hands had already done enough damage.

Soda gasped. "Awe, honey who would do this to you?"

"I did, I did this."

I turned my head away and shivered. I couldn't face them. Soda walked over to me and looked at the doctor. 'We can't hurt him, I mean if we touch him…."

"Not unless its intentional. Just be careful of the machines that they don't get unplugged." I could sense Soda nodding as he turned around to walk back to Ponyboy.

"Glory, Darry look at his hair." I turned around. My brother's head was wrapped in thick bandages, caked with blood. There was no hair poking through.

"We had to shave it off for the surgery. If he lives it will grow back"

Ponyboy has always been proud of his hair. I'll admit it is one of his best physical features. It was just one of many things I had taken from him. And to make things worse I could not shake that if he lived comment.

"I'll go get some of those antibotics."

"Thank you." I said gruffily as he walked out.

**SODA"S POV**

I looked down at Ponyboy. Man oh man he looked something awful. I grabbed his hand laced in IV lines and began to rub his palm with my thumb. I needed some contact some touch, some since that he was still real. I needed to know that he was alive and he was here.

I wanted to believe that he was okay that everything was fine. I knew I would be lying to myself but I have never needed a lie so badly in my life. I just sat there rubbing his hand.

"Hey honey. It's me…" I sucked in my breath. "its Sodapop. Everythings okay. Its going to be okay." My shoulders shook. This couldn't be happening, it shouldn't be happening. I turned around to look at Darry. He hadn't left his spot in the corner.

"Come on Darry you can't hurt him. I know he'd ask for you if he was awake." Darry said nothing just stared down at his shoes and shook his head.

"I've done enough damage already. He wouldn't want to see me."

I kissed Ponyboy's hand and let it go walking over to Darry. The guilt on his face was horrible. He thought this was his fault, his. He lost his temper but it wasn't him who put Pony in that fountain.

"Darry………"

"He doesn't need me Soda."

I put a hand on Darry's shoulder. "How can you say that Darry? Pony loves you. Of course he needs you."

"He's going to need you now more then ever." We both turned to look. The doctor had walked back in with a bag. He walked to Ponyboy's bedside and started to connect it to an IV in Pony's wrist.

"It's that bad?" I asked. I had only gotten the basic gest of what the doctor had told us earlier. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the smartest guy around and all this medical mumbo jumbo has thrown me through a loop.

"Yes Mr. Curtis, I'm afraid it is." He'd finished connecting the antibotics and was now walking over to us.

"Ponyboy has a significant head injury. He is in critical condition. His body has been under a great deal of stress and right now he is unable to fully sustain himself. Because of the brain injury he cannot control normal functions such as breathing or bodily excretions. We are currently doing that for him. If your brother lives there is a great deal of chance that he will spend the rest of his life hooked to these machines. He won't be able to take care of himself. He won't even be fully aware of what is going on. That is what being in a vegetative state entails and that is what the best case scenario is for your brother. Do you understand now?"

I nodded my head. 'Yes." But man oh man I wished that I hadn't.

Darry had been quiet this whole time. "Is there, is there any hope. Could he bounce back from this?" I was stunned to see he was crying. I hadn't seen Darry cry in front of me since we were kids. He cried when our parents died but never in front of me or Pony. The only reason I knew about this was I had heard him in the shower. He had just sat in there and sobbed and sobbed. Now he was doing it in front of me. I felt tears sting my own eyes.

"I really am sorry. We'll do some EKGs and other tests over the next few days but doesn't look promising."

"Thank-you." Darry said gruffly. He looked awful just awful. There were so many things in that look. Guilt, anger, sorrow I couldn't place them all but knew I felt them too.

"I'll leave you three alone now. Would you like a nurse to bring you some blankets and chairs? I know you haven't gotten very much sleep." And I was sure we wouldn't be inclined to get any more.

Darry nodded. 'Alright then. Take care." He left the room. I looked over at Pony. My smart, funny sensitive little brother hadn't moved a muscle. He looked asleep except that I knew he wasn't. He romped and rolled around too much when he was asleep for this to even look real.

I watched him laying there so still and wondered if the doctor was right. I wondered if Ponyboy was in there at all. Did he know we were here? Would he ever run track again, read a book, watch a sunset? Would live long enough for us to find out? I sighed and grabbed my head.

I hated these thoughts, just hated them.

* * * * * *

**Darry's Pov**

"Hello."

I looked up. A nurse came in carrying some blankets. "You both look like you could use some sleep."

I just nodded.

"Get some please. It won't do your brother any good if the both of you are in the next room with exsustion. Just let Doctor Faller do his job. I know he comes off a bit unoptimisitc side but he knows what he's doing. He's all facts and figures, he just likes to tell things the way they are. Itr makes famlies worry more but at least they know what is going on. Your brother is young and other weise healthy. Her might be just fine."

"Thanks."

She smiled at me and Soda and then left. Her words only m ade me feel worse some how. I looked at my younger brothers. Soda was whispering something to Ponyboy, tears streaming down his face.

"_Glory what had I done."_


	5. News Broken, Lives Shattered

**Disclaimer-I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

I bent over and put my hands over my legs and panted. It was hard to catch my breath. I gave a dry heave and looked at my watch. 9:30 I was late for work. If I had known Soda was going to leave without me I would have had Two-Bit pick me up. He isn't all that reliable but it would still be better than running, or rather trying to. How the kid could make it looks so effortless was beyond me.

Catching my breath I rounded the corner and approached the DX station. Darry's car wasn't there so I assumed Soda was already inside. I was going to knock him a good one.

I stuck my head in the door. "Sodapop Curtis I'm going to kill you. You were supposed to give me a ride this morning. Now I'm late and…….."

I looked around. He wasn't in here. Instead our boss was standing at the convince store counter ringing up a costumer. He looked very grave and bored. The customer walked out eyeing me cooly.

"Soda isn't here."

"He isn't?" I turned my head. It wasn't Soda's day off and it wasn't like him to lay out either. They needed the money.

"I figured you'd of heard by now. You boys being so close and all."

"Heard what?" I walked closer. I knew good news wasn't coming. I can always tell.

"His older brother called just a few minutes ago. They're at the hospital. Sodapop's little brother is in the ICU. Apparently there was a very nasty mugging…"

I didn't hear the rest of what he had to say. I didn't want to. I'm not nuts about the kid but man oh man…… I mean Soda was just plum crazy about him, took him just about everywhere with us. The kid was annoying and whiney but he was still Soda's kid brother. And if anything happened to him Soda would just lose it. He'd already lost his folks. Losing his brother too was a blow I'm not sure Soda could take.

"Is the kid okay?" Of course he wasn't okay. The ICU, stupid he was in the ICU.

Stan, my boss, just shook his head. "It doesn't look too good. I gave Sodapop some time off to sort things out. I know you're close to the family and you probably should be there but can you possibly pick up the late shift tomorrow. I don't think Sodapop's going to be up to it."

"Yeha, um sure." I felt my stomach drop. No matter how much you dislike a person that doesn't mean you want them to die. Was the kid going to die? I hoped not. If for nothing else then at least for Soda. I couldn't admit to myself that I might actually care about the kid too.

"Hey Steve?" I nodded.

"Yes sir?"

"If you by the hospital on your break please send Sodapop my best."

"Yes sir." He smiled at me ruefully and then sent me to work. Stan may be a good old guy but he is also a stickler for hard work.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was around noon. I hadn't been able to go back and work on any cars since Soda wasn't here to mind the store. Sitting behind the counter was boring and tedious, especially with Soda's gaggle of girls coming to call and leaving as soon as they found he wasn't here.

I sat perched on a stool reading the latest car magazine waiting for another customer to arrive. The bell rang and I looked up. Two-Bit came in looking his rather soused up self. I wonder if he knew yet about the kid.

"Hey Stevie, "he said lazily. "Why aint you in back. Those super charged cars too much for you or did Soda finally run of with his fan club to Mexico? He grinned wildly. He hadn't heard.

"Two-Bit Soda's not here."

"He's not?"

I shook my head. I didn't know how to tell Two-Bit about the kid when I didn't even like thinking about it. Besides he is crazy about the kid.

"Two-bit Sodapop's at the hospital."

Two-Bits face fell. "Hospital?"

I nodded. "Pony was jumped last night. It don't look so good Two-Bit."

He forze. "Jumped but I was with the kid most of the night…." He gasped. "I've got to go Steve." He ran out the door. Something told me my friend knew more then he was telling. This was agonizing, painful.I watched Soda just sitting there holding Ponyboy's hand, stroking it. Pony didn't move, didn't flinch. He didn't holdf back onto Soda's hand. He was totally unresponsive.

He'd never looked so helpless, so fragile. He was a tiny, even sikly little baby but never like this. It made my stomoch clinch and I had done this to him. There is no way he would be laying there, just laying there if I had not hit him. He would be home, maybe playing football or spending time with Johnny.

Oh glory, Johnny. I hadn't even paused to think about him. Was he as bad as Pony? I sighed.

"Mr., Curtis?" I turned around. The nurse from before entered the room. "You have a visitor he claims to be your cousin. I was wondering if I should let him in, a Mr. Matthews…."

So Two-Bit knew. "Yeha let him in."

"Alright." I walked over to Pony's bedside but I didn't touch him. He wouldn't want me to anyways. "Two-Bit is coming." I said softly. Ponyboy has always been found of our crazy friend. He was a good old guy even if he didn't know the meaning of the words, work, serious and paying.

"Hey." I turned around.

"Hi Two=Bit. He nodded and turned his face to Pony's bed.

"Oh glory….." His face became grim and stoic but his eyes were awfully sorrowful. "Ah glory kid……"

"Hi Two-Bit." Soda said softly.

"The kid, what, I mean I know he got jumped but….."

"They tried to drown him. Almost succeeded. He's alive but it aint good." I said softly and sighed. "The doctors don't know if, if he's ever going to wake up."

"That's hard." I was astounded, Two-Bit not knowing what to say. "Darry I was with him most of the night, him and Johnny were walking home when I left them. I swear."

"It aint your fault buddy. It's mine." There Is aid it aloud.

"No Darry…." Soda said shaking his head, "No Darry you got it all wrong."

" **I HIT HIM SODA. I HIT HIM AND HE RAN. THEN THIS, THIS HAPPENED! **

Two-Bit became stiff. "Darry, you didn't….." He knows as well as I do that nobody in my family ever had hit Ponyboy. My parents didn't believe in spankings even.

I nodded. "I hit him and he ran."

"Ah glory."


	6. Oh GlorySteve

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

It was getting late, so late. I yawned and placed the key in the hole and turned the knob. I sighed. The DX was closed up.

I gated over to the bus stop and sighed. I wasn't exactly looking forward to the hospital visit but I knew Soda would need me. He's always been there for me. I had to be there for him because that's just what buddies do.

* * * * *

The hospital was cold. Ugh and the smell. I hate hospitals. They give me the willies.

I walked over to the nurse's station. She looked up, eyeing me from head to toe. I hate when people do that, trying to decide if you are a criminal or just some kid from the slums. I can't stand it.

"Yes." I rolled my eyes.

'I'm here for a Ponyboy Curtis."

She chomped on her gum. "You've got to be kidding me."

I glared at her. "Just look up the name."

"Fine." She dialed her phone.

"Yeha Stacy I'm looking for a Ponyboy Curtis."

….

"I see."

……

"Yes he has a visitor."

……

"I'll ask him." She looked up. "You a relative of his?"

I bit my lip. This was getting annoying. "Yeha lady he's my cousin." Oh brother.

"Says he's a causin."

……

"Not really but….."

………

"Oh, yes of course. I'll tell him then."

She hung up the phone. "You can go see him. He's in the Pediatric ICU, cubical four."

Pediatric, kids ward? Oh glory the kid is just a kid. I sighed. "Thanks." I mumbled and went up to the ward.

It was a depressing place. The wallpaper was clearly for little kid, all bright and cheerful. Boy was it ironic. I went through the double doors and over to Ponyboy's cubical. Suddenly I felt sick.

Glory I am not nuts about the kid but I never would wish this on my worst enemy, let alone the kid.

He was hooked to these machines, encased in them would be more accurate. He looked so small. He wasn't moving. Lordie he wasn't moving. Soda was in a chair by his bed, holding on to Ponyboy for dear life. Two-Bit was on the other side, just staring at him. Darry on the other hand stood of aways, hands in his pockets. I couldn't place the look on his face, guilt, sorrow?

"Um hey." Darry gave me a curt nod. Two-bit looked up.

"Hey man." Soda said nothing. I walked over to my best friend. He looked awful, just awful.

I put a hand on his shoulder. Soda doesn't need to lose anybody else he loves. I've been here a second or two but I can see this is killing him.

"Hi Steve." He said softly.

"You okay buddy?" I asked already knowing the answer.

Soda's shoulders shrank.****** I rubbed his** back a little. Soda is a very affectionate and loving. He needs the same thing back.

"Not really, Stevie."

I looked over at Ponyboy. "What exactly happened?" Darry coughed.

I gazed at him. "We got in a fight, he came home late. I, I hit him."

My eyes got huge. The Curtis boys had never been hit by their parents, let alone each other, unless playfully. "You what?"

"I hit him. He ran off and got jumped. They, they tried to drown him Steve."

I looked over the kid. Soda was shaking. I got a feeling there was more to the story. "How is he?"

Darry sighed. Two-bit spoke up. I guess he had already asked these questions. "He went without oxygen for a long time Steve. It, they don't know what's going to happen." His voice wasn't joking. His voice was solemn. When Two-Bit starts to act serious, you know things are bad.

Oh glory, were they serious.

**Thank you for all your reviews. Johnny will be coming up soon. Check out my Vladimir Tod story. It is the first to focus on Tomas. TTFN**


	7. Bad News Comes in Pairs

**Disclaimer- Okay you know by now I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

BEEP BEEP TICK TOCK HUM HUM

The sounds of the hospital, eternally annoying and uncomfortable. I chomped on my gum agitatedly, glancing every few minutes at Soda and the kid.

Soda wouldn't move. I think he was afraid that if he did Pony would lose whatever thread that held him to life, or something like that.

By now Two-Bit had left with the excuse of finding Dally and taking care of his kid sister. Darry just stood there. He must feel so guilty. Nobody, just nobody in that family had ever hit him. Heck even I have never actually laid a hand on him, no matter how much I have wanted to.

I let out a sigh. Nobody paid any attention.

The door creaked open. A man in a white coat walked in. he cleared his throat. That did get everybody's attention.

"Hello. I'm Doctor Wisestead. I believe a patient of mine came in with your brother, a Mr. John Cade."

Oh glory, Johnny. Johnny was here too. Man oh man I hoped he wasn't as bad off as Pony. Hs parents wouldn't give a crap but man if something was to happen to him…….. I didn't want to think of it.

"Yes." Darry said gruffly.

"We tried to come into contact with his parents to inform them on his condition but we got no answer from them."

"Good luck with that." I mumbled.

"I'm sorry what was that?"

I saw Darry intake a breath and nod toward the door. They went outside. I walked over to Soda to see what he thought of the news.

He was crying. I put a hand on his shoulder. "You okay buddy."

He looked up at me red eyed and shook his head. "How can, how can we lose them both, Steve? How can we bury them both? Do you know what the doctor told us?"

I shook my head. Soda let out a sob. "He told us that Pony's never going to wake up. He basically gave him a death sentence. Johnny can't be doing much better."

I sighed and squeezed his shoulder. "I don't know Soda, I just don't know."

Darry walked back in then with the doctor. He sighed. "Alright, we're ready for it."

The doctor nodded. "Mr. Curtis has explained the situation to me. It goes against the laws but as Mr. Cade's parents seem to be…," he paused, "incapacitated, I will leave things up to you."

Soda kissed Pony's hand and turned around.

Doc continued. "While John's case is not as critical as Ponyboy's it is no less pressing. He suffered some eternal bleeding which we are able to fix, suffered broken ribs. However the most pressing issue is his back. John suffered several blows to his back, more then several. He needs surgery to stabilize but I'm afraid he may never walk again."

It grew silent. Oh glory if things were bad before now they have just gotten worse.

**Short but I hoped you like it,**


	8. Feeling Sorry

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Previous Chapter**

_Darry walked back in then with the doctor. He sighed. "Alright, we're ready for it."_

_The doctor nodded. "Mr. Curtis has explained the situation to me. It goes against the laws but as Mr. Cade's parents seem to be…," he paused, "incapacitated, I will leave things up to you."_

_Soda kissed Pony's hand and turned around._

_Doc continued. "While John's case is not as critical as Ponyboy's it is no less pressing. He suffered some eternal bleeding which we are able to fix, suffered broken ribs. However the most pressing issue is his back. John suffered several blows to his back, more then several. He needs surgery to stabilize but I'm afraid he may never walk again."_

_It grew silent. Oh glory if things were bad before now they have just gotten worse._

"Can we see him?"

"Visiting hours are almost over."

Darry sighed. "Please sir." Thank God one of is polite.

"Alright then. He is in room 234, on this floor." Sometimes I forget that we're all just kids. "I'll go tell him he has some visitors." Doc walked out of the room.

"Yawl coming?" I asked.

Darry said and did nothing but Soda shook his head. "I need to stay with Pony. I… I can't leave him alone. He wouldn't want to be by himself."

Darry walked over to Soda and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Pepsi, honey you go with Steve okay. I'll stay with Pony. I won't hurt him again. I promise."

Soda looked up. I wondered how Sodapop would react to Darry using his father's pet nic-name for him. He took a deep breath and mealy nodded.

He let go off Pony's hand and stood up. He leaned over and kissed Ponyboy's forehead. I've never seen anyone love their brother as much as Soda loves Ponyboy. I asked him once why he put up with him.

_Soda had been awful tired, staying up with Ponyboy every night after his nightmares. I asked him why he didn't just let the kid alone, get his own room. Soda just smiled at me. He said he liked being with Ponyboy. He enjoyed talking to him. Pony made him feel needed for once in his life, like he has something extra to give, that he wasn't just a nobody._

_Soda said that after his parents died he was so scared. He was so afraid of losing another loved one. When he was laying next to Pony at night he could hear his breathing, feel his heart beat. Staying with Pony during the nightmares was just as much a comfort to him as it was to Ponyboy. Besides, he loved his brother._

_I never bothered Soda about it again. I understood, jealous as I was and still am, I understood. I only wished someone cared that much about me._

"I love you buddy. You be good for Darry. He loves you a lot. He never meant to hurt you."

I placed a hand on Soda's shoulder. "Come on buddy. Johnny will want some company."

He nodded and followed me out the door.

**Johnny**

My breath came out in heavy gasps. My arms and shoulders ache like crazy but nothing else. I can't feel nothing below the middle of my back. The doctor explained things to me.

Apparently when I was jumped those socs got me pretty good. I'm never going to walk again. Not with crutches, not with a walker, not with braces; he said it plainly that I'm never going to walk.

It's killing me. I can't feel my legs. I'm never getting out of this place. I'm stuck. I can't even take a crap or pee by myself. I'm never having kids. I'm a cripple, a cripple. My parents have got to take care of me now and I doubt they will.

And Pony. Glory Pony. He has got to be dead. There is no way he can go through that and live. I can still hear him screaming and see him struggling. There was nothing I could do. The socs had me and I dropped my blade.

Pony was a good kid. He has to be dead, I don't see how he could have survived. I should have helped him. He was just a kid. Oh man oh man. And his brothers. I know Darry hit him and all but he loved him. And Soda…

I tried not to cry. I had to be tuff. Poor Pony though. He was probably the best friend I ever had. If it wasn't for him I'd have done killed myself. What do I have to live for now?

**It should be noted that I do not believe Johnny is a cripple. I was leaning on his own views of his self worth and low self-esteem.**

**Oh and Read **_**Dream With Me**_**. It is much better then **_**Mother's Prayer**_** and I would really like some feedback.**


	9. Visting Hours

**Disclaimer- Okay you know by now that I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Last Chapter**

"_I love you buddy. You be good for Darry. He loves you a lot. He never meant to hurt you."_

_I placed a hand on Soda's shoulder. "Come on buddy. Johnny will want some company."_

_He nodded and followed me out the door._

_* * * * * * * *_

I nodded at Soda. "Hey buddy here's the room. You ready." He nodded slightly. We walked in.

Johnny was on one of those turning beds. I think they are called strikers but I wouldn't' quote myself on that. He had some IVs sticking to him and was being bad. It was an awful site, especially to be Johnny. We all think of him as a kid brother, but it wasn't as bad as Ponyboy.

"Johnnycakes." I said softly. "Johnny buddy?"

He moaned groggily. "Steve?"

I nodded again at Soda and we walked forward.

"Hey buddy."

**Johnny**

Soda was here. I wasn't sure if he would be here if Pony was dead, I tried to tell myself. I tend to do that, lie to myself. I still couldn't see how in the world he could be alive, not after that.

I couldn't bring myself to look at either of them. "Doc says your going to be okay kid."

Okay, Define Okay. "Yah. I guess."

There was an awkward silence. "I'm never gonna walk again."

Soda sighed. He looked darn well close to tears. "Doc…. Doctors don't know everything kid."

There was something he wasn't telling me. Something about what he said. I'm not the smartest guy around but I'm pretty good at reading people. There was more to that statement then what was said.

I winced. "You okay."

'Yah, it just hurts… sometimes. Usually don't. Cause I can't feel nothing below the middle of my back."

Soda and Steve exchanged worried glances. Two- Bit used to joke about me and Pony like that. We're both quiet, he'd say that we must make such interesting conversation. But Pony and I dig what each other is trying to say without words. I don't reckon Soda and Steve are much different.

"Guys?"

They looked at me. "Ponyboy….." I couldn't finish.

Steve looked at Soda. Soda frowned. He looked down right close to tears, oh no…..

Steve sighed. "We don't know how to tell you this Johnny but Pony, he's…. "

"Just fine." Soda interrupted quickly. Steve glanced at him. Soda glared. Something told me that Pony wasn't just fine. In fact I doubted if he was fine at all.

**Okay thank you ****nightstarz****. I am glad you said that. It got me researching. The reason Johnny can't have kids is that his sperm backs up into his bladder or something like that. I did some research after you set me straight. Another factor is Johnny's own self worth. He is very unconfident so he is bound to believe what doctors say.**

**Besides views on these types of injuries were much different in the sixties then today. Technology was neither more advanced. There is also his economical sitiuationj. Most reabiltation center might not agree to take him as he could not pay. But thank you very much.**

**Feedback like your makes me able to create a more realistic story. Lots of Love- Goldengreaser**


	10. Beating of My Heart

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Soda**

We walked back to the ICU in silence. Steve didn't talk and I didn't talk. Neither of us had anything worth saying, or maybe what we did have to say was better left unsaid. I sighed.

We got to the cubical. Darry was there. He was leaning over Ponyboy stroking his cheek . I closed my eyes. I hated that. Darry has the hardest time being affectionate to our little brother. Now of all times he chose to break himself of that. It made me fume but I kept my peace.

"We're back." Darry looked up. He kissed Ponyboy's forehead. Mom used to do that when we sick.

"How's Johnny?"

"As good as can be expected." Steve said shrugging. "He knows something's up but we couldn't tell him. Poor kid's really beside himself."

Darry his hand behind his neck and just shook his head. I've never seen him look so full of guilt before. I know he didn't mean for this happen. Part of me blames him sure, but he didn't mean for none of this to happen. He's plum crazy about our little brother.

A nurse walked in then. "I'm sorry visiting hours are now over."

Darry walked over while I went to stay by Ponyboy. I grabbed his hand and kissed it. "Love you honey."

"Is there any way my brother I could stay with Ponyboy?"

"I'm sorry sir. Visiting hours are strict, especially in the ICU. We can not allow you to disturb the other patients."

Disturb what just because we look like a bunch of low down hoods she thinks we're going to go all wild and cramp We know this is a hospital.

I saw Darry take a deep breath. He was trying not to lose his temper. That was a real problem with him. 'Excuse me miss but I am Ponyboy's legal guardian. I have custody of him and he is a minor. If you will not allow me and our brother stay with him then I will take it up with your chief of staff."

"Very well. I'll see what I can do but he'll," she indicated Steve, "Will have to leave. Immediate family only." With that she left the cubical.

Steve nodded. 'Well if yawl need anything give me a call."

"Thanks." He nodded, waved and left.

I turned my attention to my kid brother. There was no change. He was a pale, almost blue color and so still. The machines dwarfed his fourteen year old frame. I looked at the monitors, not really understanding.

"Darry?"

"MMMM?"

"What the doctor said earlier?"

"Yeha Soda, what about it?"

"Do you believe it?"

**Darry**

I sighed. Remembering that moment made my blood curl.

"_Our bodies require oxygen in order to metabolize glucose. This process provides energy for the cells. The brain consumes about a fifth of the body's total oxygen supply, and needs energy to transmit ____electrochemical impulses__ between cells and to maintain the ability of neurons to receive and respond to these signals. Cells of the brain will start to die within a few minutes if they are deprived of oxygen.__ Brain function is lost. The more time without oxygen the more damage is done. This can lead to coma and or death as well as many lasting and debilitating side effects." ……………………………………_

_The doctor sighed. "I'm afraid it does not look good. I really am sorry but your brother, if even lives, will never be the same again. He is not breathing on his own and is all but unresponsive. We have him on a breathing apparatus and hooked to IV fluids. If he does come out of the coma it is most likely to be into a vegetative state. This is basically a sort of wakeful unresponsiveness in which some brain functions continue to operate but with no apparent consciousness. The lights are on but nobody is home. "_

"_I didn't mean to! I didn't think! I forgot! That all I hear out of you! Can't you think of anything?" I closed my eyes remembering the words I spoke just a few hours earlier. The irony of them was not lost on me but it wasn't humorous. I fought back tears._

"_I'm sorry to add to your burden but there are some other concerns as well. The time without oxygen had a significant effect on Ponyboy's other organs as well, most specifically his heart. Right now it is very weak and having trouble pumping blood. We may need to ask you to donate some to relive the strain on his heart. As well we had to drain his lungs of fluid. He is very open to infection and we are not sure he can fight off any illness."_

I didn't look at Soda for a moment. I wasn't sure how to answer. I didn't want to believe it but I did. Ponyboy would be irrevocably and irreversibly changed; but I didn't know how to tell Soda.

I wanted our mother then. She was so good at putting words together, saying the right think; kind of like Soda. Both of them know just what to say. Only I couldn't ask either one.

"I don't know buddy. I just don't know."

He let out a sigh but it came as more of a yawn. It occurred to me that he had hardly slept since last night. The parent genes in me kicked in. "Little buddy, you need to sit down and get some sleep."

"I'm not sleep Darry, hone..." He yawned again. "Honest."

I eyed him coolly. "Soda it won't help Pony one bit if you get yourself all exhausted, now will it?" He shook his head. "Good go sit down and try to get some shut eye please." I said firmly, folding my arms.

He sighed but didn't contest. Poor Soda was asleep as soon as his butt entered the chair. I shook my head.

The nurse walked back in. "I okayed it with my supervisor." She looked at Soda. "I'll go get him a blanket."

"Thank you."

"Oh and I'll see about getting another chair and blanket for you as well."

Thank you." She smiled, much friendlier then before, and left the room.

* * * * * * *

I stirred slightly and stared at my watch. 2:20 AM. What had woke me up? I looked over at Soda. He was fast asleep. I looked at Pony and immediately dash over to him. He was gagging and convulsing.

Was this a seizer?"

I ran out the door. 'HELP!"

A few nurse's came running. Then I heard the worst sound in my entire life. It was the sound of a flat lining heart monitor.

**Thank you for your reviews. I**

**Remember reviews are like chocolate for the fan ficer's soul and I do not want to go on a diet.**


	11. Hemolytic

**I do not now, nor ever have I owned **_**The Outsiders**_**. If I did have that kind of talent I would be getting piad. But here no money, just reviews. So please give me some. Reviews that is.**

**3 hours before**

_I stirred slightly and stared at my watch. 2:20 AM. What had woke me up? I looked over at Soda. He was fast asleep. I looked at Pony and immediately dash over to him. He was gagging and convulsing._

_Was this a seizer?"_

_I ran out the door. 'HELP!"_

_A few nurse's came running. Then I heard the worst sound in my entire life. It was the sound of a flat lining heart monitor._

_Soda jumped up. _

"_Darry?"_

_Before I could say anything some nurse's came and pushed us out of the room._

"_What's happening Darry, what's happening?" The doctor got out a paddle. I stiffened. Soda went to run back in the room. I grabbed him and turned him around. I held him stiffly and tightly to my chest. He didn't need to see this._

"_Clear!"_

"_Again."_

_Come on Pony. Come on baby, please no. "Clear."_

'_Darn it. We need some ephie, stat."_

_Please Pony. Not yet kid. Not yet._

'_Darry, what is it? What is going on?"_

_My grip stiffened on Soda's shoulder._

"_Clear!"_

"_Darry? Darry tell me!" Soda yelled._

"_His heart stopped Soda. They're trying to get him back."_

_Soda crumpled to the ground. I eased down with him. 'he's, he's dead?" Soda sobbed. I rocked Soda gently. _

"_He's not gone yet Pepsi."_

"_But his heart?"_

_I messed up his hair."_

"_We got him."_

_My ears perked up. A nurse came walking back in._

_She bent down. "We were able to restart his heart."_

_Soda just kept sobbing. "It's okay little buddy. We didn't lose him. He's here." I felt wet tears streaking my cheeks as well. We'd almost lost Pony, just like mom and dad. Only this time it would be my fault._

"_Do you want me to get some sedative for your brother, to help him sleep?" I nodded._

"_Can we go back in?"_

_She looked over. A doctor nodded. "Yes go right ahead. _

_I pulled Soda to his feet and we walked in. The nurses and doctors left the room, save for one. I put a hand on Soda's shoulder. We both couldn't stop looking at Ponyboy. _

"_Mr. Curtis?" I looked up._

"_Yes?"_

"_I would like to explain what just happened. I nodded. "Soda sit down." He was still shaking and shivering. A nurse walked in with a shot. I sighed. "Soda I'm going outside to talk to the doctor." He nodded numbly as the nurse pulled up his sleeves._

_The doctor walked outside and I followed, looking back at my brothers._

"_Okay Mr. Curtis. Ponyboy did suffer a seizure, a small one. It is very common with injuries with a brain or head injury. That is not the most pressing thing at the moment although I am going to put your brother on anticonvulsants."_

"_His heart, what happened to his heart? I know very well that you don't like to sugar coat things. So don't do it know."_

_He nodded. "Ponyboy suffered from cardiac arrest due to hemolysis."_

"_and that is…"_

"_It occurs when fresh water enters the lungs it is pulled into the pulmonary circulation via the alveoli, prime source of gas excahneg between the blood and lung. Because of the low capillary hydrostatic pressure and high colloid osmotic pressure. Consequently, the plasma is diluted and the __hypotonic__ environment causes red blood cells to burst (hemolysis). The resulting elevation of plasma K__ level and depression of Na__ level, due to the hemolysis, alter the electrical activity of the heart."_

"_SO his heart stopped because blood vessles were breaking?"_

_He nodded. I sighed_

**Now**

Five AM and all is well. His heart is breathing. He's okay. I rub Ponyboy's hand. I've noticed that it seems to calm him, my poor baby. I looked at Soda, still fast asleep. Thank God, he could use the rest

I yawned. I could use some sleep myself and I know it. But I can't bring myself to. I am so scared Ponyboy is going to get sicker if I do. What if the anticonvulsants didn't work or his heart stopped again?

I promised mom and dad I would take care of him and Soda. But I'll I've done is mess up. Now Ponyboy may never wake up again. I was the screw up in this family but no more. I was going to take much care of my brothers. I wasn't going to let anything happen to them again.


	12. I Need You

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsidcers**_**, Enjoy!**

"Excuse me Mister Curtis?" I yawned and looked up groggily at a nurse. "There is a cop and some reporters outside. They want to talk to you." I looked at Soda still asleep and Pony who was just completely still.

"Alright. I'll be right there." I looked at my watch. 10:30 AM. Soda could probably use something to eat by now. I shook his shoulder a little.

"Pepsi, wake up." His eyes shot open and he looked around. Then he took in a sigh of relief.

"Darry, don't scare me like that."

"Got it buddy. Soda I want you to go down to the cafeteria and get you some food. I have to go to the lobby to talk to someone."

Soda shook his head. He stretched then pulled closer to our brother. "Can you pick me up something. I don't want to leave Pony all by his lonesome."

I looked at the two, both worried me right about now. "All right then but you better eat."

"I will. Cross My heart."

"Okay then." I walked out of the room and into the lobby.

There were three reporters and a cop waiting on me. "Darrel Curtis?" The cop asked. When I said yes the reporters rushed over. They started asking a million questions faster then I could process.

"Whoa there. Give the man some room. I need to talk to him first."

They backed of then. I hate reporters.

"Mister Curtis, I am Officer Wise. We have reprimanded one of the boys who attacked your brother and his friend yesterday. He has turned himself in but refuses to turn in anyone else. However we have a lead, an anonymous witness of sorts. We are going to catch whatever sicko did this." He held out his hand and I shook it.

"Thank you Officer." It is rare that the police are on out side.

"I just need a statement from you as to what happened that night."

I nodded. I did not want to talk about it, how I hit Ponyboy. How I ran him off, didn't take good enough care of him. I didn't want anyone to know that I was just some jerk who couldn't control his temper.

"Alright then."

"In your own words what happened that night?"

I nodded. Be strong, Darry. Be strong.

"It wasn't a school night so I let Pony go to the movies with our friends Johnny and Dallas……"

"Dallas Winston?"

"Yes sir, he is a buddy of ours."

"Are you sure?"

Was he thinking maybe Dallas…. "Yes, Dallas is our buddy. He would never lay a finger on Johnny or Ponyboy."

"Sorry sir, something goes down in this area Dallas is the first person…"

"I understand." Because usually Dallas was the culprit. "Well as I was saying I let Pony go to the movies. He didn't come in till two in the morning. Do you know how agonizing that is. He could have been in trouble, he could have been hurt, like now."

"I see, go on."

I heaved my shoulders. I could do this. I couldn't do this. Come on just place the cuffs on me. NO I can do this. I have to do this. "He came in late. We had an argument. We argue a lot."

"Son, he's a teenager. If teenagers were not difficult then they would not be teenagers."

"Yes sir." My dad raised me to be polite. "Well you see I lost my temper. I hit him." I wanted to cry. I did this to him. I did this. I got to be strong. I got to be strong.

"How many times?"

"Just once. He fell against the door and ran out of the house. I was going to let us both cool off. I didn't want to make things worse. IU didn't see him again until we got the call."

"Thank you mister Curtis. You did a good job."

I shook his head again and the reporters bombarded me. I stood up straight and tall and held out my hand. "One at a time, please." They listened to me. I can be pretty opposing when I want to be.

"Mr. Curtis is your brother's name really Ponyboy or is that a nickname?"

Oh if I had a nickel for every time we had all been asked that. "His name is Ponyboy Michael Curtis. It even says so on his birth certificate. And yes we have a brother named Sodapop, Sodapop Patrick Curtis. We had a very creative father."

"Had?"

I hate talking about what happened to my parents. It still really stings but I don't have time or luxury to grieve. "My parents died in a car accident eight months ago."

They all mumbled apologies. I hate people's pity. It is degrading.

"Your brother, Ponyboy, how is his condition?"

I sighed. "He's in a very deep coma. He went a great deal of damage. We're pulling for him to wake up soon but we just don't know if he can." I hated saying that. If the truth hurts then this stung like, well it stung.

"How would you describe your brother normally?"

Ponyboy, what could I say about him, what couldn't I? I love my brother, so much, even if I hardly know him.

"Pony's a good kid. He runs a squad traclk at Will Rogers High School….."

"High School," a reporter asked, "I thought he was only fourteen."

"He is. Ponyboy skipped the third grade. He is…" Was maybe was. No he is…… "He is very smart. He's a good kid, never been in trouble with the law before."

"What are some of his hobbies?" That was easy. "Reading. He loves to read. He also loves football and art. He's a great kid."

"Thank you very much."

**Soda**

I rubbed Pony's hand. "Come on Pony, wake up. Come un wake up." I almost whined. "Come on Pony, you've been asleep long enough. Wake up."

I rubbed harder. "Come on honey. If you get up I'll go to the movies with you. We can see as many shows as you want. We can get some food from the dingo and…" I started to cry. Pony just had to wake up. He just had to.

"Please Pony. Don't do this. We need you buddy." I need you.


	13. Little Brother Mine

**I am sorry but third time's the charm. I think this is a better representation for what should happen in this chapter. I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Soda**

I held onto Pony's hand tightly. I gave his hand a squeeze. Then I sat it down again. "Come on Pony wake up. This isn't funny."

I sighed exasperated. He had to wake up. He just had to. I couldn't stand it if he didn't. He's my brother and I love him. He makes me feel special.

To most people I am just some stupid greaser dropout going nowhere. But whenever Ponyboy's around he acts like I'm the greatest person in the world. It like he idolizes me or something and I don't know why. It's a good feeling being, loved like that and I don't want to lose it.

Its more the that even. Pony's so funny, when he actually talks. He always can make me laugh. I love playing football in the yard with him or wrestling. And I love tickling him until he just about wets his pants from laughing so hard. I love how he's so smart and even a little nerdy.

When I was in ninth grade we had to read _To Kill A Mockingbird. _I was having a hard time understanding it but Pony he read it too, just so he could help me. He sat there for hours helping me get my essay just right and studying for the test.

The thing I love most about my brother is at night when we just lay there talking, just talking. I doubt if he half listened most of the time but I loved to listen to him. It made me feel kind of good because nobody but me was ever to really get my brother talking. He's so shy.

I hate to think all that could be over now. I just can't imagine my life without Pony there, really being there, not just like a shadow or something. Or even worse, dead. I lost my parents and I barley made it through that. If it wasn't for Pony, I don't think I could've. I mean Darry's great and all but I mean we and Pony we just connect on a whole other level. We aint just brothers. He's one of my best friends.

I sighed. There was no color to him, none at all. His cheeks were not the least bit rosy. No brown hair stuck out from his bandaged head. The only color he had was the breathing tube. It was clear blue. Every other part of him was ghostly white.

Please don't be a ghost Pony. I can't lose you. I bit my lip. Ponyboy and I are not even quiet three years apart and I can barley remember my life without him. It's hard enough to live without my parents. I don't think I know how to live without my brother too.

There was the pounding of footsteps. "HUH?"

"Hey Soda." It was Two-Bit. He must have slipped by the nurses. He grabbed a chair and he sat backwards, leg under arms. "How's the kid?"

I shrugged letting go of Ponyboy's hand. "As good as can be expected."

Two-Bit nodded gloomily. "Ma said if you needed anything, dinner, anything…."

"Tell her thanks for us."

"Sure thing." He leaned over to get a better look at Pony and shook his head. "Hope sleeping beauty wakes up soon."

He's kind of insensitive but I know he means well, so I can't be mad."

"I went and saw Johnny a few minutes ago."

I grabbed Ponyboy's hand. "How is he?" "Okay. He's healing up but still in that darn bed, poor kid."

"His folks stop by yet?" I hated that Johnny had such a lousy home life. He was too good to deserve that."

"Poor kid."

Two-Bit smiled. "You know the kid, he's holding up. "

I nodded and looked down at Ponyboy. "Pony's doing the best he can." Two-Bit gave me a sad sort of look.

"Dallas got hauled in." he remarked changing the subject. I looked up.

"What for this time?"

"He got beat down some soc trying to get information on who did this. It wasn't one of the ones who did it and Dallas didn't get to into it before the cops came. He'll be in for only a few days or so. That's what Shepard says anyway. He would be the expert.'

I rolled my eyes. Dallas maybe a hood but I'm glad he has Pony and Johnny's backs.

"Oh yeha Shepard says his gang can be ready for a rumble anytime."

I sighed. "Its not the best idea."

Two-Bit raised an eyebrow.

"Might hurt our case and besides we'd be short some guys." It was Darry.

"Hey Darry."

Darry ran a hand through his hair. "The cafeteria's closed but there is a dinner down the road. "

My thoughts raised to Ponyboy. We couldn't leave him alone. "But Darry, Pony he.."

"They're fixing to run some tests Soda."

"Oh, well."

"Come on little buddy, you need to eat." I looked wearily at my little brother.

Two-bit smiled. "I'll stay with the kid till Doc comes."

"Its settled then."


	14. Burgers Fries and Unwelcome News

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Previous Chapter**

_Darry ran a hand through his hair. "The cafeteria's closed but there is a dinner down the road. "_

_My thoughts raised to Ponyboy. We couldn't leave him alone. "But Darry, Pony he.."_

"_They're fixing to run some tests Soda."_

"_Oh, well."_

"_Come on little buddy, you need to eat." I looked wearily at my little brother._

_Two-bit smiled. "I'll stay with the kid till Doc comes."_

"_Its settled then."_

**And Now**

Darry took a sip of his coffee making a face. I never understood how he can take it black like that. He set it down. "We need to go back to work tomorrow."

I sighed. We needed the money but I hated leaving Ponyboy all by his lonesome. What if he woke up.

"I'm going to try to pick up some extra hours at the dock." I nodded.

A waitress walked over. "Two ham sandwiches on rye with chips and one double cheese burger with bacon and fries." She sat down our food on the table.

I grabbed for the burger. "You eating healthy?"

"No, I just wanted some ham."

I nodded desperate for conversation, anything to get my mind off of Pony. I took a bite of my burger but I wasn't really hungry.

"Eat." Darry told me. Darry has a second sense about these things. I rolled my eyes and took another bite. I noticed he was fiddling with his food too. Poor Dar, he blames himself for everything and he's taking it hard.

I kind of see where the guilt is coming from but it's not all his fault. He doesn't need to carry all that weight on his shoulders. "That goes for you too Superdope."

Darry's eyes narrowed. "That's superman too you."

I fiddled with my fries some. Darry eyed me and I put a few in my mouth. "Mhew." I gulped. 'Geez Dar I'm eating I'm eating."

"Good and don't talk with your mouth full."

It seemed so weird to be having a conversation like this and not having Pony to pipe in every now and then. Kind of like when we first lost our folks. I don't even want to think about losing my little brother.

**Johnny**

I sighed in relief as the doctors turned me face up. You can only count the floor tiles so many times before it grows old.

"There you go Mr. Cade. You just call me if you need anything. You know where the call buttons is." I did but I never used it. "Well I'll be back in fifteen minutes to turn you again." She walked out of the room.

"Howdy partner." Oh glory I'd know that voice anywhere, Two-Bit. You got to the guy, he's as good of a buddy as any guy could ask for but he's a little, well I don't know if there is a word for him. I wish I could ask Pony, he'd know.

I sighed again. Nobody will tell me much of anything."

"Hey Johnnycakes." Two-Bit walked over. 'How are you doing this fine September afternoon?"

"Same as usual. What you doing here?"

"What I can't ditch booze and blonds for a day?" He raised an eyebrow.

I did the same. "Okay, okay. I was staying with the kid while Darry and Soda got themselves something to eat. Lord knows they aint hardly done that these past few days. Kid went for some tests so I thought I'd swing by and give a howdy do."

I frowned. "How is Pony?" So far everyone had dodged my questions. I'm not a baby. I'm as tuff as any greaser. I can take it."

Two-Bit put a hand behind his head. He seemed awful serious. I hate it when Two-Bit is that way. You know things are bad when he aint laughing or smiling goofily. He wasn't even drunk and usually its pretty hard to tell one way or the other.

"Two-Bit.."

He nodded. "Pony's in the ICU. It ought be in the papers soon enough. He's in a coma Johnnycakes. They're doing tests or something right now. Some mumbo jumbo that I don't really savy but he's had some kind of seizer or something last night."

My heart pounded. _"Johnny, Johnny help."_

Oh Pony. He's smart. This can't be happening. "Is he" I paused. "He's going to be alright, right?"

Two-bit shrugged. "We really don't know much Johnnycakes."

Don't cry, Don't Cry, Don't Cry!

"Can we come in?"

Two-Bit turned around and then back to me. "Its Darry and Soda."

"Hey yawl." Oh glory I couldn't face them. How can they even think about me with Pony so sick? I didn't deserve that.

"We brought you a burger and fries. Figure your hospital food's got to be crap."

"Thanks." It was hard looking them in the eye. "I'll eat it later."

The nurse walked back in with a couple of orderlies. "We have to turn him now." She looked at Darry and Soda. "Your brother's the one with the funny name?"

Give me a quarter for every time I heard that one. "Yes mame."

"Doctor Hanson should be done with the tests in a half hour or so. He'll want you to go to his office. If you wait outside, there I'll show you to it."

"Thank you."

The guys all left and the nurse smiled at me. "Are you ready?" I never would be. This whole hospital thing, ugh. It sucks.


	15. No Hope

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Soda**

I hate this waiting game. Sit and wait, wait and sit. It never does any good. These doctor was really trying my patients. First we get the one who would not shut up, had to tell every little detail even if we didn't want to know. Then there was this the one.

I looked at Darry, fidgeting. He must be as least as worried as I am. I couldn't get Pony out of my mind. All these tests, what they proved or disproved meant everything to us.

A man in a white coat walked in and shut the door. He had some papers in his hands. "Hello. I'd ask you to sit down but you are already ahead of me. I'm Doctor Hanson. I'm a pediatric neurologist on this floor." Darry shook his hand.

"I'm Darrel Curtis and this is my younger brother Sodapop." I saw the man shake his head. He didn't look to happy.

"You must have had very creative parents."

"Our father was one of a kind." I said gruffly. I wanted him to stop with the small talk and get on with it. I wanted, no needed to know about my brother.

"So he was." The man paused and sat down, putting the paper out in front of him.

"We did extensive testing on your brother."

"Yes." Darry said. "We know. What did it show?"

"We did an EEG to measure brain waves as we tried various stimulators, such as light, pain, sound, touch. He was virtually unresponsive until pain was at a severe degree and even then.."

I looked at Darry. "Eyes are still fixed and dilated, he shows no reflexive response."

"What exactly are you saying, sir?"

"Mr. Curtis there has been no change. While there is evidence of brain activity there is not a significant amount."

"Not a significant amount, what kind of crap is that?"

Darry shot me a dirty look, a warning of sorts. The doctor blanched. "I'm sorry Mr. Curtis. It means we do not believe he will wake up."

Of course he was going to wake up. Pony had to wake up. I mean he's fourteen. And he's Ponyboy. Pony never would just give up like that, not Pony. He's a tuff kid and he's so smart.

Darry spoke up gruffly. "What do you suggest we do?"

The doctor sighed. "We can make him comfortable although right now he is not aware enough to actually feel pain. You can keep him here for a few weeks, we can monitor him look for change. But the best thing for him would be to put him in a home, round the clock care. I know you haven't got much money so I might suggest giving the state custody, to ease your burden."

**Darry**

Burdon, burden, how could he ever say that Ponyboy was a burden? I saw Soda beside me. His face was stony. He was processing. Soda takes time coming to terms with reality. I sighed.

I could never just leave Pony like that, like some unwanted piece of trash. I promised mom and dad I would take care of him. I'm not going to fail again. This never would have happened if I could control my temper. If I hadn't have hit him we wouldn't even be in this situation. I've made my bed and I'll have to lie in it.

No that wasn't how I should thing of it, a punishment. He's my brother, he's blood. After mom and dad, well we've all kind of lived heart and soul for each other. I couldn't just leave Ponyboy out in the cold. I hear what the doctor is saying but I can't just live my life without my little brother, not knowing he was alive.

Dad always said you don't forget your family. Family was the most important thing in the world to him. He passed it on to me and my brothers. Its probably why our friends are so close to us as well.

"I plan on keeping custody."

"Darrel financially and emotionally speaking your brother's condition is draining. Even if you don't go bankrupt the stress of having a family member in this condition, being in charge of his care could drive you to an emotional brink."

I stood up, glaring. "You heard my decision. Come on Soda."

Soda stood up and followed me to the door. "Understand that I will be notifying the state as to my recommendations."

I slammed the door shut. It was people like that who made my blood boil. It took everything I had not to hit that pompous old wind bag.

I muttered a couple less then enduring phrases ten looked back at Soda. He looked at me red yed. 'Can't you stay calm for once." He took off in a run.

I took a deep breath, "SODA!" I ran after him.

**Soda**.

I sat in the visitor's lobby, curled in a corner. Why was this happening? Why Pony? He's smart. He aint never hurt nobody? How can that doctor say he won't ever wake up? He's Ponyboy, he just has to wake up. We couldn't get along without him.

And why did Darry have to g and lose his temper like that? That's what started everything in the first place.

I shook a little, NO that wasn't right. Darry didn't mean to. He was just worried about Ponyboy and when he gets scared he kind of loses it. But if he hadn't have lost it? No I couldn't blame it on Darry.

He tried so hard for us. It wasn't right to pin it on him. He's a good guardian. I remember Pony telling me he thought Darry hated him. Now my little brother might never know how much Darry loved him. I sighed.

"Pepsi-Cola?"

I looked up red eyed. Darry was knelled in front of me. "Hey Darry." I said numbly.

Darry put his hand on my knee. "I'm sorry Soda. I just got ahead of myself." He gave a hollow sounding laugh. "We all got our flaws. Guess I wasn't thinking"

I let out a sob. "You sounded just like Pony."

Darry sighed. "Guess I did." He made his way over to me. I lay my head on his shoulder and he leaned his head on mine. We had not really did that since we were little kids on long car rides. Pony would just lay on our laps and we all would fall asleep. Mom must have been happy when we did. Three kids on a long trip equals three aspirin and a migraine.

"Darry?"

"What the doctor said about Pony, do you really think he aint ever gonna wake up?"

Darry sat up. "I don't know, Pepsi Cola. I just don't know."

I sighed. "Lets go see Pony now."

Darry pulled me to my feet. "Okay."

* * * * * *

_**Tulsa Gazette**_

_**September 13**__**th**__**, 1966**_

_** Audrey Rockwell **_

_**On the morning of Saturday, September tenth two young men were found at Hawthorne Park. The young men, Ponyboy Curtis age fourteen, and John Cade, age sixteen, were found severely beaten around two thirty in the morning when one of their assailants, Randle Anderson, age seventeen, made a run for help.**_

_**Randle claims the boys had an altercation after the younger two walked his girlfriend and another young lady home from the Admiral Twin Drive Inn. Her will not give the names of other aslant.**_

_**John Cade suffered internal injuries, a mile concussion and is said to be paralyzed from above the waist down. His parents have been unavailable for questioning. **_

_**Fourteen year old Ponyboy Curtis is currently in a deep coma, from which doctors say he might never emerge. Ponyboy has been in the care of older brother Darrel, since losing their parents in an automobile accident this January. The two had an argument over his curfew from which Ponyboy ran away, "….to cool off." States John Cade. The boys were then attacked by Randle and the mystery suspects.**_

_**Ponyboy is an honor student and a squad track member at Will Rogers High School. He is described as having been a bright, loving and creative young man with a great future ahead of him**_

_**His brothers are asking anybody with further information to please step forward. **_

_**Please call the Tulsa Police headquarters with any information.**_

Darry looked at the paper and sighed. He took a sip of his coffee. "Come on kid. Wake up. You're in the paper and everything."

No movement, no speaking, no nothing. Darryl sighed once more. I looked away.

**I got the head shoulder thing from when I was little. My brother and I used to do that. **


	16. Good News At Last

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Previous Chapter**

"_**We did extensive testing on your brother."**_

"_**Yes." Darry said. "We know. What did it show?"**_

"_**We did an EEG to measure brain waves as we tried various stimulators, such as light, pain, sound, touch. He was virtually unresponsive until pain was at a severe degree and even then.."**_

_**I looked at Darry. "Eyes are still fixed and dilated, he shows no reflexive response."**_

"_**What exactly are you saying, sir?"**_

"_**Mr. Curtis there has been no change. While there is evidence of brain activity there is not a significant amount."**_

"_**Not a significant amount, what kind of crap is that?"**_

_**Darry shot me a dirty look, a warning of sorts. The doctor blanched. "I'm sorry Mr. Curtis. It means we do not believe he will wake up."**_

**And Presenting……**

**Darry**

The sun was blistering hot on my back. I yawned. I hadn't been this tired since Pony first started having nightmares after mom and dad died. Between the worry and the hard hospital chairs I had not been able to sleep very well at all. My muscles were sore as I brought up a couple of bundles of roofing.

I sure could do with one of Soda's famous back rubs right about now.

"Hey Curtis, you look beat."

I set my bundles down and looked to my left. It was Sam Crandle, good guy been working for the boss for about twenty-five years are so. He and dad used to be poker buddies and it was Crandle that showed me the ropes here.

"I'm fine."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Kid your about half asleep."

"Been worse." I got back to work but of course Crandle likes to chat while he's on the roof. Never understood how he has not hammered his thumb by accident or fallen off. I bit my lip and stiffened. My back was about to kill me.

"So you say." He paused for a few minutes getting back to work and then… "How's the kid, any improvement?"

I closed my eyes for a minute remembering the doctor's words. I took a deep breath. Don't lose your temper; don't lose your temper.

I hammered down some shingles. "Curtis?"

"No improvement." I muttered.

"I'm sorry Darrel."

I closed my eyes. My father was Darrel. I like sharing his name but it still can hurt sometimes to use it. You lose somebody and you move on. It doesn't mean you miss them any less or that it stops hurting. It just means you've learned how to handle it.

"Yeha well we all are."

"That bad?" I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to think about this. I don't need this.

"Yeha." I said dryly. "It's that bad."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." I muttered under my breath. "Me too."

**Steve**

Soda wasn't flirting with the girls who came in. He wasn't smiling or laughing. He wasn't joking. It just wasn't like Soda. When I gave him a lift to work he practically fell asleep on the door.

I sighed and wiped my hands with an old rag and walked into the actual station itself. Soda was at the register trying not to fall start snoozing. His head would fall into his hand and then he would jump up and shake his head.

"Soda?" Soda jumped startled.

"Oh, hey Steve." Soda's voice was kind of hollow sounding. Man did he sound like somebody else. Usually you can't shut him up or slow him down. He's got kind of an energy about him. He seemed so drained.

"You, you okay buddy?" He shrugged.

"I've been better." I may not be able to stand Soda's kid brother at times but I know he means the world to Soda, the world. I just know this whole thing is just killing Soda, just killing him.

I put a hand on his shoulder. "Its almost time to close up. Why don't I take you home and you can get you some sleep. Your about to keel over man."

Sodapop shook his head. "Nah, Darry has to pick up an extra shift. You think you can take me to the hospital. Pony's been alone all day. I think I should be there tonight.

"Gee Soda it aint like.." I stopped Think before you speak Steve, don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid. I have a bad habit of opening my trap before my brain stops me. " It aint like there aint nurses there and all. Pediatric wards are crawling the nurses."

"It aint the same Steve." He looked at me wearily. "I know he, I know he's sleeping but Steve he's my brother." He wasn't sleeping but I wasn't going to say anything to Soda. He knows good and well what is going on. Soda has a hard time coming to reality but when he does he takes it hard. So he tries to think of it in a different light.

"Sorry buddy. Yeha I'll take you to the hospital. Maybe we can pop in on Johnny too. I think two-Bit was supposed to swing by after school but he's about as dependable as that car of his."

Soda gave a small laugh. I hate seeing him so down.

The phone rang. I picked up the receiver. "DX Station. How may I help you." I can be polite when I want to.

"Steve this is Darry. I need to talk to Soda."

"Yeha sure." Oh lordie…… I handed the reciver to Soda. His face was bleak. 'Its Darry." I explained. He nodded.

"Hey Darry. Pony is he…."

I saw him sigh in relief. "What?"

"------- "

"You got ta be kidding."

"--------------- "

"Yeha, Yeha sure."

"------- "

"See ya then."

"-------------- "

"I will, bye." Soda hung up the phone. He looked at me red eyed.

"What is it?" Please don't be Pony. Glory if its Pony Darry and Soda they'll really lose it. Soda will go off the deep end and Johnnycakes; he's already got to be feeling guilty.

Soda sucked in his breath. "They got'em Steve. They got the guys that did this to Pony and Johnnycakes."

"really?"

"They got those…" Soda proceeded to use some words I wasn't even aware a guy as good as Soda knew. He would do old Dally proud.

"I'm glad Soda."

"Darry's going down to the police station. He wants me home at 9. But now I'm going to the hospital. I got to tell Pony."

I nodded. "Lets go."

* * * * * *

Soda ran into the room. I followed silently. Glory the kid looked bad. Those machines dwarfed him. I reckon it made it worse that I knew what the doctors said, about him not waking up. Poor kid. Annoying as he was I could actually say I'd miss him.

Sodapop walked over to the bed. I watched from the corner of the room as he leaned down. Soda held his hand tightly and stroked his cheek. "They got them honey. They got those guys who did this to you."


	17. Up

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Previous Chapter**

_Soda ran into the room. I followed silently. Glory the kid looked bad. Those machines dwarfed him. I reckon it made it worse that I knew what the doctors said, about him not waking up. Poor kid. Annoying as he was I could actually say I'd miss him._

_Sodapop walked over to the bed. I watched from the corner of the room as he leaned down. Soda held his hand tightly and stroked his cheek. "They got them honey. They got those guys who did this to you."_

**A month later **

**Johnny**

When you're stuck in bed with nothing to do you get a lot of time to think and that aint so hot of an idea. I hadn't been able to visit him and I was getting real worried. The gang acted like the doctors were not holding out much hope for him ever waking up. And Dally was in jail because of the fight he got into because of all this.

I should have done something. If I would have had my blade… I hated this. I was so helpless now like then. I couldn't do anything to help him. He was screaming. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He was struggling and there was absolutely nothin I could do, nothin.

"Johnny?" I opened my eyes. Doctor Johnson was here.

"Hey Doc."

"I bet you're getting pretty tired of that bed." Boy howdy was that a way of telling a guy you were sorry he was laid up for the rest of his life.

"Yeha."

"Well I got a back brace and a wheel chair for you. I'm going to get the brace on you and we're going to try and get you sitting up in the chair. Then we'll have a trainer work with you some so you can learn to do things for yourself. "

I'd like to learn to do that.

"Would you like that."

"Yeha." I'm not exactly talkative. Doc was probably used to that by now. "All right then. I'll go get some orderlies and we'll even get you a new bed."

"That'd be great." I was genially happy about that. Nothing is more uncomfortable then a striker bed. It made the lot and some newspapers feel like a room at the Plaza Hotel.

*** * * * * * ***

**Soda**

Darry looked dead on his feet when he walked into the room."Geez Darry get yourself a cup of coffee." He nodded yawning. Darry had been working extra shifts at the warehouse in addition to the site and our visits to Ponyboy.

I shoved the chicken in the oven. "I'll make the potatoes."

Darry nodded. "Okay. I'm hoping in the shower. The warehouse is closed tonight so we can go right and visit Pony."

"Sounds good."

"Well I'm getting my shower."

"Okie dokie."

**Johnny**

It felt weird sitting up in this chair. My back was held straight by the braced not just sitting freely. I couldn't slouch. It wasn't painful just uncomfortable. I had been sitting n and off for a few hours. I had to work on my upper body strength, according to Doc, so I could lift my self with my arms. It prevents bed sores. Believe me they are not fun.

"Do you feel up to seeing your friend or would you like to go back to bed?" I could see Pony? I could actually see him? Was I even ready? Could I take him like that, knowing I half way caused it? If I had my blade I could have done something, anything. And I was already so uncomfortable. But I wanted to see him. I needed to see Pony.

"Yeha, I want to see Ponyboy."

"So you do know what a sentence is." I tried to smile although I wasn't in the mood. Doctor Johnson likes to joke around. He says seriousness isn't going to help a patient get any better.

I nodded. It felt good to have some free movement and not be trapped in bed all day, even if this was uncomfortable I could deal. I'd been in worse well not pain but I've been worse.

He wheeled me up to the ICU doors then left to stand in front of me. He kneeled down so we were eye level. Never trust anyone who won't look you in the eyes. That something you learn on my side of town. You learn fast or die hard, one way or the other.

"Are you sure you can handle this? Its not pretty."

I remembered how they say he aint aware of nothing, how he can't breathe for himself. He aint awake or alert. He was an all sorts of machines. Could I handle that? I'd have to.

"Lets go."

"You got it kid." He pushed me through the double doors. I held my breath as we went into the room, cubical?

Oh man oh man. I had never seen so many machines and wires in my life. Ponyboy had lost a bunch of weight too. He was pale and looked like a corpse. He didn't have much hair and his lips were almost blue.

He didn't move not an inch. I took a deep breath. I wheeled myself to his bed. Even that was an effort. I had lost a bunch of my muscle just laying there. And hospital food aint exactly appetizing. I'd rather have a bologna sandwich.

"Can you leave me alone for awhile doc?"

"I'll be back in half an hour. Then you should get back to bed. You are doing really well Johnny but don't wear yourself out on the first day." I nodded and he walked out.

"Hey Pone." I but my lip and closed my eyes. "Missed you buddy." I wish he were awake. We usually don't need to say much round each other. He just gets me and I get him. It's probably why we were always good buddies even though he's so much younger. Pony digs real good.

No movement no reaction. "I'm out of bed now, got me a chair. It sucks ya know." I sighed. "But its better then nothing." Still nothing. "You got to wake up Pony, ya just gotta." I sighed and just sat there a moment.

"Johnny?" A surprised voice called. I looked up. Darry and Soda were here. They had to be half dead between work and all this. I've talked to Steve and Two-Bit. The two of them hardly ever take the time to rest.

"Johnnycakes what are you doing?"

"Doc thought it was time I got my lazy but out of bed."

Soda tried to smile. "Well we're glad."

"Yeha kid." Darry said gloomily. "Good for you."

Soda sat on the edge of the bed. He moved back a wisp of Pony's very short hair."Hey buddy. Aint you gonna wake up for the party." No movement, nothing.

**I thought everyone might get a kick out of the bologna sandwich reference. Review please. ******


	18. The Right Thing to Do

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**One Week later**

Doctor Hansen walked into the room. He cleared his throat. "Darrel can I talk to you and Sodapop for a moment in my office?" I looked over at Darry. He gave me a nod. I nodded back.

"Yes sir, off course." Darry said standing up.

"I'll meet you in my office." Doctor Hansen walked out of the room and Darry followed him out the door.

I gave Ponyboy's hand a squeeze. "We'll be right back honey. You just get some rest." I looked at my brother. He looked like something from a fantasy film or that new show Star Trek. And glory those things made him look small. Ponyboy is such a tuff kid, its hard looking at him and seeing him so helpless.

I brushed my hand against his newly forming hair and walked out of the room.

Darry was already sitting in Doctor Hansen's office. His hands were folded. He was in deep concentration, his face set and serious. I plopped in the chair to Darry's left. He gave me that look. You know the one that usely goes with a phrase like 'act your age nit your IQ' or 'Sodapop..' followed by a grunt.

I just gave a half sort of grin. I hadn't been truly happy since the accident. It didn't help matters that Sandy left me just two days later. In a way I'm thankful for the distraction of my little brother's illness. Even though it too is killing me.

Doctor Hansen cleared his throat capturing our attention. I looked at him. He didn't seem very happy. "What did you want to talk to us about?" Darry asked.

Doctor Hansen fiddled with his tie. It was making me anxious. "I told you there is nothing we can do with Ponyboy but wait and make him comfortable."

"Yes. Has anything changed?"

Doc shook his head. "If anything his brain patterns have became weaker. There is something the hospital ethics community and I have had long discussions with my collogues in neurology."

I crossed my arms. "And……"

"We think it best if you remove Ponyboy from the ventilator."

"That'll kill him." Darry said bluntly. Kill him, kill Pony. How could they even suggest we do that? He's our brother. How could we kill our brother? We love him. That doctor had five minutes, five minutes to explain before I pounded his face in.

Doctor Hansen sighed. "Your brother has suffered a severe depletion of oxygen. He is not brain dead but very close. He has lost most of his brain function. You see him every day in that bed. He simply cannot function on his own. He cannot breath, eat or even go to the restroom on his own accord. And from what we can tell that most likely change. There is always hope, he is young and previously healthy but I would not hold out for it."

I remembered Darry's speech almost two months previous. "We can take care of him. He's our brother."

Doctor Hansen frowned. "What about five, ten years down the raod. You'll have families of your own to worry about. Will you have the time or money for him? If not that think of your brother a moment. His records state he had an IQ of 142?"

Darry nodded. I was always so proud that my brother was so smart. "Yes, he was put a head a grade when he was younger. He's in all honor classes at the high school."

Doctor Hansen frowned. "So your brother is an intellectual?"

"He reads a lot and draws." I explained. "He's so brainy."

"So tell this, would your brother be happy spending the next five, ten even forty years in a bed not moving, not seeing, unable to do the things he loves, take care of himself? Would he be happy being trapped in a body that he can not control not being able to think for himself."

I sighed. I could see Ponyboy lying next to me talking about his day. I could see him reading some big lost book. I saw him at the track meets; I don't know any kid on the squad as fast as my kid brother. I could almost hear his laughter as Darry and me tickled him until he almost peed.

Then I saw him laying in that bed not moving, There I could touch him, fell him. I could talk to him see him. As long as he was on that bed I could do that.

I closed my eyes and took a sigh. Was I being selfish? But taking him off the air, was that like putting him to sleep, like a dog, like Scamp?

When I was thirteen and Pony was just eleven we had this yellow cur dog named Scamp. He was the family dog but he belonged to Pony or maybe he that Ponyboy belonged to him. They were inseparable. That dog would do anything Ponyboy asked him. Otherwise he was a lazy stupid little thing.

We all loved him though. That summer Scamp was being lazier then usual. He was an old dog, we had had him since Darry was about three or four. Well dad took him to this friend in Grayvill that was a vet. He was awful sick. They had to put him to sleep.

I'd never tell the guys because they would rag on him, but Ponyboy balled. Dad sat him on his lap like a little kid. I can still remember what he said.

"_You love Scamp don't you Ponyboy?"_

"_He's the world's toughest dog"_

"_He is a pretty neat dog. And you do love him don't you?"  
_

_Ponyboy nodded. "He's the best."_

_Dad gripped Ponyboy's shoulder. "You don't want him to hurt do you buddy? You would never do anything to make him suffer would you Ponyboy?"_

_Ponyboy sniffled. I felt so bad for him. We all loved that dog but he meant as much to Ponyboy as Mickey Mouse did to me. "I'd never hurt Scamp. He's a tough dog. He's my dog."_

'_Then you have to do this. You can stay with him for awhile okay?"_

_Ponyboy nodded. He looked at me. "Stay with me Soda?"_

"_Of course."_

Ponyboy stayed with our dog for an hour before the gassed him. Scamp licked us both and just set quietly.

Could I do the same for Pony, could I stop him from suffering? Could I do that for him, to him?

Darry sighed. He looked at me. His eyes were red. I nodded at him. "Darry."

"Can we talk outside a minute?"

"Of course."

We walked out. "Soda?"

I was crying. "Soda we can't do this."

I shook. "Scamp."

"What little buddy?"

"Remember Scamp?"

He frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?" He was yelling now.

"He was suffering remember how he yowled. Dad said we couldn't let him be in pain. It wasn't right. Ponyboy's in pain Darry. He would hate this, he would absolutely hate this."

"I have to take care of him Soda not kill him."

I crumpled to the floor. Darry sat down beside me. I looked at him. "This is killing him Darry. I love Ponyboy so much. I want him here with us as much as you Darry. But.. But it isn't right. He would hate this. He would hate this. This is killing him. Please Darry. We got to let go."

Darry frowned. He looked like he had been hit. "Are you sure. No going back. I do not want to do this Pepsi."

"Me neither Dar, I hate it so much. But I can't do anything to hurt Ponyboy and he has to be hurting. Pony would hate all this."

Darry nodded. "At least he will get to be with mom and dad again."

I choked back a sob thinking of my parents. Glory did ever I miss them. "Mom, Mom'll not let him out of her sight."

Darry stood up and sighed. He pulled me to my feet and we walked into the office and sat back down.

"Have you made a decision yet?"

"I have a question first?"

"Yes?"

"He won't suffer, he won't be in pain?" Darry asked.

Doctor Hansen shook his head. "I doubt it will. Your brother only reacts to high pain levels. He is weak as it is. He will die shortly after we unplug him. He is suffering more by being here then by departing."

Darry nodded and I tried to smile at him reassuringly but I just didn't have it in me. "You have my permission but please wait a day. We want to say goodbye."

Doctor Hansen shook Darry's hand. "I'll arrange it." He stood up to leave. 'And Darrel…"

"Yes sir?"

"You're doing the right thing. Your parents would be very proud."

"Thank you sir."

**In the 1960s it was not common practice to remove someone off life support. Even today in some states like Oklahoma it is illegal. However going into this story I did not know this. I tried to deviate from my original plan using this new information but it didn't work for me. Just so you know.**

**Please review. Reviews make my day.**


	19. Saying Goodbye

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. Thinks for all the reviews.**

I couldn't sleep. Everything in our room seemed to be screaming at me, just daring me to think of my brother. His backpack was by his desk. Books and papers were all stone about carelessly. Behind me on our bed shelf was more books, all his. His cloths were in the closet.

And of course there was the bed itself. His pillows stilled smelled like him. I hated not having him there and he never would be there again.

Darry was in the other room, making phone calls. The state, Pony's school, the guys. He called anyone who might want to know. Think God I have him. Ever since our parents died he was the one who held our family together. It's killing him that it is this way. Being strong for everyone its just killing him. But you know if it weren't for Darry being so strong I would already be dead inside.

**Darry**

I sighed hanging up the phone. How on earth was I going to do this? How can I really and truly do this?

I opened the dresser drawer next to my bed and pulled out a couple of pictures nobody knew I even had. I bit my lip. The first was my parents at their wedding. Dad has his arms around mom. His face was all in her hair. She was grinning grabbing his hands and placing them around her waist.

My mother was so beautiful and Pony, he and Soda both look just like her. What would she say? How could she ever forgive me for making Pony run off that night, for having to, to kill him? And dad, we look just a like but we couldn't be more different. He was calm and cool. He would never hit Pony. He would never lose his temper like I did, like I always do.

I've always wanted to make dad proud of me. He could never be proud of me now. I don't deserve it. Not now and not ever.

I put the picture behind the others. It was our family, all of us. I can't remember who took it but it was one of the last one's taken of all of us together. Pony was sitting between me and Soda. Mom and dad stood behind with hands on our shoulders. Both had a hand on Pony's.

We were all smiling, happy, blissfully unaware that things were going to change. It was looking as if now we would never be a happy family again. Mom and dad were gone and Ponyboy was soon to follow. I sighed once more moving the picture behind the others.

The last one was very special. Dad took it. I was sitting in his armchair holding my then two year old brother in lap. He was so happy just looking at me. He thought I was great then, a hero, Superman.

The night before the accident I heard him talking to Soda. He thought I hated him. He actually thought I wanted to stick him in some boys home, that he was a burden to me. And now I'll never be able ti correct that, to rectify the situation. My little brother is trapped inside a body and a mind that just don't work.

Tomorrow we are setting him free. Tomorrow we pull the plug and my fourteen year old brother will die. How can I let a fourteen year old die? I've failed him. I have utterly failed him. And now I have to face life without ever seeing him again.

**Soda**

I couldn't stomach anything for breakfast and on the way to the hospital I didn't say a word. Darry didn't offer one either, too much on the mind.

Steve and Two-bit were waiting on us when we got there. Steve walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "You okay Soda?" I shook my head. Steve clinched my shoulder. "I understand." I nodded. I couldn't bring myself to look at Ponyboy, not yet.

Two-Bit stood up. He held out his hand to Darry who shook it firmly. "I'm, going to get Johnnycakes and bring him down." Darry nodded.

"Thanks." He replied gruffly. Steve let go of my shoulder.

"You want me to stay here with you or you want to be alone?" Good old Steve, he always has my back.

"Stay, please."

"Alright buddy. I'll stay." He plopped down in a chair. I looked down at my shoes. If I looked at my brother this would all be to real. I had made the decision with Darry and I knew it was for the best, but their was still the part of me screaming. I wanted my little brother.

I wanted a game of football or tickle torture. I wanted to hear him tell me I wasn't dumb to hear him laugh, anything, just anything.

There was a knock on the hospital cubical. A man walked in. I looked up. He was familiar but I couldn't recall from where.

"Hello Darrel, Sodapop. I heard the news this morning. I came right over." He looked awful sorry. He had on sweats and a whistle. Who was he?

"Hello Coach Winters." Darry said shaking his hand. Coach Winters, now I remember. He teaches history at the high school. He's Ponyboy's track coach.

"Sodapop." He nodded at me. I nodded back. He turned to look at Pony. His face was drawn and serious. I looked at my brother the first time today.

Coach grabbed my brother's hand. He put something in there. Some kind of track pin. Darry had once I think. "I'm going to miss having you on the squad Curtis. I really think you had the stuff to make it to state. You had to be the fastest kid I've coached in years. I really was looking forward to having you in my class next year you know." He put a hand on my brother's shoulder and walked away from the bed.

"I'm truly sorry Darrel. I enjoyed coaching your brother, for what it's worth. He'd have been a good football player too." Oh Yeha he was assistant football coach too. How could I have forgotten?

Darry clinched his teeth. He was having a hard time keeping his cool, a real hard time. "Thank you sir. "That means a lot to us." Coach Winter's nodded and left the room.

"What he put in the kids hand?" Steve asked. Darry walked over and opened Ponyboy's palm. He grimaced.

"It's a track pin. It goes on a varsity lettermen's jacket."

Steve gave a low whistle. I just looked down again. My little brother would never get his lettermen. He would never wear a cap and gown. He'd never wear a tux to his wedding, so many uniforms he would never dawn. I sighed.

"Hey yawl." Johnny croaked. I turned around. He was frowning looking at his shoes. Two-bit had his hands on the chair. Johnny could move it by himself. He was getting really strong again but he was upset.

I nodded. Darry grunted. Two-Bit put Johnny near the bed. Johnny looked at the floor for a moment. He wrung his hands together. Johnny is kind of quiet normally but this was intense. I held my breath.

Johnny licked his lips. "Hey man." His shoulders stiffened. Greasers are supposed to be tough, unbreakable. But none of could feel that way, not today. Fourteen years aint near enough time to live. But what had to be done, had to be done.

"I'm going to miss ya. Fourteen years aint long enough Pone, it aint near long enough." Johnny pulled away. He wouldn't look up at us. "I'm going to my room now."

"I'll come with ya Johnnycakes." Two-Bit has a hard time handling serious situations. He turned around to look at me. "I already talked to the kid." But he turned around anyways and touched Pony's shoulder. "You're a tough kid Curtis. I'm going ta miss budding it around with you."

He grabbed Johnny's wheelchair and they left the room. I sighed. This was it. It was time for me and Darry. We had to say goodbye. We never got to say goodbye to our parents. They died in an instant, or so I'm told. I shivered.

Steve looked up at me. He always knows what I'm feeling. Darry put his arm around my shoulder. "I got him Steve. You can go see Johnny." I understood. This something the two of us should do, together.

Steve nodded, "You need anything yawl just call." I nodded my head at him trying to force a smile but it wouldn't come out right.

"Thanks Steve." He left the room. This was it. My heart pounded in my chest. Darry pulled me into a sort of half hug. I gave him one back. Then we both pulled up chairs to the side of Pony's bed and grabbed his hands.

I couldn't speak, couldn't think. The words just wouldn't come. For once in my life I was speechless. I looked at Darry. He was holding back tears, trying to be strong for us. God bless him. But he doesn't need to do that, not for me. It's killing him.

He reached over and stroked Ponyboy's short hair. Short hair didn't suit my brother. "Oh Pony. I'm so, so sorry baby. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hit you. You should be at school right now. I'm so sorry."

I could feel the track pin in my hand. I closed my eyes as Darry kept calling. "I love you Pony. I'm sorry I never told you little buddy, but I love you so much. I wanted you to make something of yourself so badly. You deserved it. You never deserved this." Darry brought Ponyboy's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles.

My turn, my turn; it was my turn. What could I say. My feelings for my brother couldn't be wrapped up into one sentence or into ten. I sighed.

"Pony, honey… I love you. You're… i.. I'll miss you, you know. I'm glad I got to have you here with me. If." I sighed. 'if you see mom and dad you should go to them. Okay honey."

I kissed his cheek and whispered into his ear. "You were my favorite person in the world kiddo, just so you know. I am so glad you were my baby brother. If.." I lifted my head up. There was the sound of footsteps and Doctor Hansen walked in. OI sighed.

"Are you ready boys." Of course I would never be ready.

"Go ahead." Darry said gruffly.

**Darry**

Doctor Hansen made to turn off all the machines. I squeezed Ponyboy's hand tightly. Please don't be in pain, please don't be in pain.


	20. Pain and Heartache

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. Please Review**

**Soda**

I turned my head from the doctor as he turned off the machines. I just looked at Ponyboy. He was so still.

"I'll be here watching."

I looked toward the monitor. I'd recognized by now what each thing means by now. His heart rate began to drop. My chest clinched and my stomach felt queasy. I sighed. Pony was leaving us, for good.

And then it happened. I heard Darry gasp. I looked at him. He was looking down. My eyes trailed to the spot where he was looking. My eyes widened. His chest was rising. Pony's chest was rising. He was breathing. Slowly but surely his breathing evened out.

I looked at the monitor. His heart rate, it was normal or I think it was.

"I was afraid of this." I turned to Doctor Hansen. Surely this was a good thing. Ponyboy was coming back. He was breathing on his own and he was going to wake up. He wanted to live.

"What do you mean you were afraid of this?" Darry asked letting go of our brother's hand and crossing his arms to his chest.

I just held onto Pony tighter. I'm right here, baby. I'm right here.

"He can now breathe on his own. I believe he may be emerging from his coma into a vegetative state. You were informed on his arrival that this was a possibility. Now we can't be sure, he may remain in his coma. He will still need feedings, if you decide to continue them. I suggest of course that he be removed."

'Wait you said he was getting better." I replied angrily

"Yes and no. In a vegetative state he will be conscious but he will not be aware. Nothing much will have changed."

"Then why did you have us do this huh?" I let go of Pony's hand. "You said he wouldn't suffer, this was for the best. Now look at him. He's still stuck.!"

Darry grunted, waiting for an answer. "This was a foreseeable possibility but highly improvable."

"Meaning…"

"He means that he knew it might happen but he didn't think it would."

I clinched my fist and muttered some words that my mother would have swiftly sent me to wash my mouth out for. Darry grunted again.

"Well, what do you want us to do huh? What are we going to do now? Do you want us to try killing him again? Do you want to let him waste away huh? Or better yet why don't we leave him there huh? Leave him there and then pretend you're trying to help. Because everything you've done has worked so well so far hasn't it?"

I panted. Darry came to my side. "Easy Soda." He whispered softly. His hands clinched on my shoulders. He was angry too. He was angry but he was in control. If Darry could, then I should be able to. I sighed.

Doctor Hansen put his arm up behind his head. He was frowning. "I am truly sorry to you both. I would never do anything to make the situation worse, not intentionally."

"So what do you suggest we do now?"

"You have a couple of options. You can remove the feeding tube. He will slowly eat up his fats and he will die. It is a far more uncomfortable way to go, if he can feel pain at all. Or you can continue the feedings and transfer him to a home. He'll have round the clock care. We can wait and see but I doubt improvement will be made."

Darry loosened his grip on me. "Which would you suggest? What would be best for Ponyboy?" He sounded upset, so upset. I know I just wanted to crawl up somewhere and die. This wasn't fare. Ponyboy shouldn't have to die and he shouldn't have to live his life in a bed like this not able to think, to dream. Oh Pony.

Doctor Hansen sighed. "I stand by my first decision?"

"Kill him?"

He nodded. "In simplest terms, yes. This is no life for a child to live."

"He'll be in pain." I said bluntly. "You said it will be harder on him then what we tried to do today."

"We'd be starving him, am I right?" Darry asked. Doctor Hansen nodded.

Darry walked over to Ponyboy. He just stood there and just looked at him, just stared. I saw him glance back at his hand. The guilt was eating at him.

"The feeding tube stays." I looked up at him. If he lived, if Pony lived he would be a prisoner in his own body. He would waste away. But if he died, starving to death was torture too. If he was breathing on his own, it meant something. Maybe that was Pony telling us that he wanted to stay. Maybe…….

**I'm sorry if its crappy. I know I say that a lot but I do mean it.**


	21. Left Behind

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

_  
I walked into the principle's office to deliver a letter for my teacher for Mrs. Applebottom. I turned my head and there was my baby brother. He was swinging his feet back and fourth and looking down into his lap._

_I wondered what he was doing there. Pony almost never got in trouble. While the principle's office was my second address you could hardly say the same thing about Ponyboy._

"_Hey Pony. What are you doing here?"_

"_Mama and daddy are here." He pointed to Principle West's office. _

_I hoped on the chair. 'Glory Pone, what did you do."_

"_I don't know. Miss Getty just said to go here. What if I'm in big trouble Soda, real trouble." I laughed. _

"_It can't be that bad."_

_Ponyboy shrugged. "I got sent to Mr. Leesburg yesterday. I had to take a test and play some games. It wasn't bad. What if I did something wrong there? What if I'm so doubt they want to kick me out of the place or…"_

_Pony always had a way of letting his imagination get the better of him, even then. "I'm sure its not that bad. I mean I always fail and stuff and I aint been kept back or nothing. You do real good in class."_

_Pony smiled. "Thanks Soda."_

_The door opened. Mom saw me and rolled her eyes. "Sodapop Patrick did you get in trouble again?"_

_I shook my head. "No just bringing a letter and I saw Pony here."_

_Dad smiled. "Good you can hea the good news." Pony looked up._

"_Good news?"_

_Dad and bent down to Pony's level. "I'm so proud of you buddy. Do you know what?"_

_Ponyboy shook his head. "You aren't going to third grade next year. You're going to fourth."_

"_Why? Doesn't the third grade want me?" Mom laughed. _

"_Mr. Leesburg talked to the principle. Pony do you know what an IQ is?" Pony smiled._

'_Sort of, I think."_

'_Well you have a very high one. Since you are so smart you get to skip."_

"_I'm smart?"_

"_Oh very, very."_

**November 15****th**

I stared out the window. Why can't Pony be smart again. He was so smart. I was jealous, to tell the truth. But I want him back. I want my smart little brother back. But he is not here. His eyes are open but he does not see. He can feel but he can't think. He can't understand. He is somewhere, lost maybe. But he aint here.

"We're almost there Soda." Why are we doing this. Pony's fourteen not even fourteen and a half. He does not belong in a nursing home. It's a crappy run down one but what else can we afford. How can we do this to him? He'll be the youngest there, by twenty years, they told us.

How can we do this? He's not out Pony but he's still part of him. Maybe he's the Michael part. How else to describe it, I don't know. It just doesn't feel right. It feels so wrong.

I can hear the ambulance in front of us. I see its flashing lights. I wonder if Pony knows where it is taken him. He'll be in Oklahoma City. That's at least two hours away. The home will only allow visitors on weekends. He'll be alone. I know it's crazy but a part of me wonders what if he has a nightmare?

He can sleep, or so Doctor Hansen told us. But the jury is out on if he can dream. I inhaled deeply as we pulled into the parking lot. I jumped out and got a box of Pony's things.

We are allowed to decorate a little. The doctors say the stimulation might be good for him. So we loaded up some track stuff and pictures. Two-Bit even snatched a Paul Newman poster for him. Pony was always nuts about Paul Newman movies. No, I shake, not was is crazy about them. He is crazy about Paul Newman movies.

Darry grabs another box. It has PJs and track sweats. Pony will be more comfortable in them then a hospital gown. Maybe he'll look normal. The sweats will be baggy, I know. He's so skinny now. But the PJs are new. They'll fit.

"Come on Soda." I nod.

XX X XX

**Darry**

The room is all ready. I helped a nurse put Pony in some PJs. He just went rigid. He was so stiff and unmoviable. He moaned some, just moaned. Vegetable, its like a term for infant, infant in a much larger body. No, worse. I remember Ponyboy as an infant. He was so curious so placid and calm.

The one thing similar is reflex. When a baby is little they grasp when touched. Sometimes he'll do that. If you rub his hand long enough he'll grasp it. He grapes it but he has no idea why. Maybe he's rooting for food, for attention. If he feels any kind of attachment I have no idea.

My baby brother has no idea who I am,. I've never had a knife stab me in the heart but I think it must feel something like that. It hurts even worse knowing I had a part in it.

Pony is staring at the ceiling blankly. Soda is holding his hand and I just sit and watch. We'll have to leave soon. I've never left him for more then a weekend, even growing up. We always did stuff together as a family. I sighed.

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review**

**This is what happens after all day Celtic music fest. Man I love the stuff.**


	22. Thanksgiving

**Previous Chapter**

_**Darry**_

_The room is all ready. I helped a nurse put Pony in some PJs. He just went rigid. He was so stiff and unmviable. He moaned some, just moaned. Vegetable, its like a term for infant, infant in a much larger body. No, worse. I remember Ponyboy as an infant. He was so curious so placid and calm._

_The one thing similar is reflex. When a baby is little they grasp when touched. Sometimes he'll do that. If you rub his hand long enough he'll grasp it. He grapes it but he has no idea why. Maybe he's rooting for food, for attention. If he feels any kind of attachment I have no idea._

_My baby brother has no idea who I am,. I've never had a knife stab me in the heart but I think it must feel something like that. It hurts even worse knowing I had a part in it._

_Pony is staring at the ceiling blankly. Soda is holding his hand and I just sit and watch. We'll have to leave soon. I've never left him for more then a weekend, even growing up. We always did stuff together as a family. I sighed…………_

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

It's Thanksgiving today. It doesn't feel like it. Holidays have no meaning anymore. It's our first Thanksgiving without our parents. It feels so, so wrong, empty almost. And to top it off we don't have Pony either. I don't reckon I have anything to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite holidays. It was so much fun. Dad, Darry, Pony and I would play football while mom cooked. We laughed and laughed. The game usually ended in a tickle fight.

Awe man and the food. My mouth used to drool at the thought of it. We had turkey, stuffing mashed potatoes, rolls, sweet potato soufflé, and pumpkin pie. Sometimes mom invited the boys over and Two-Bits mamma and sister. We had so much fun. No matter how little we had Thanksgiving was a feast. Dad used to say that mom could make dirt taste good.

I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. There would be no football game, no big dinner. I wasn't really hungry anyway. Everything feels, it feels wrong. Mom and dad should not be dead. They should not be in the ground decaying. Ponyboy should not be in the nursing home. He shouldn't be so out of it that he can't even recognize his own name. He can't even take a piss by himself.

I heaved. "Soda, Soda are you okay?" I sat up. Darry was at the doorway. He looked as tired and upset as I felt. I just shrugged at him. Of course I wasn't okay but I wasn't about to tell him that.

Darry walked over and sat down on the bed beside be. He hesitated for a moment and then put a hand on my shoulder. I pulled away. I didn't need his pity. I clinched my teeth.

"Do you want anything to eat Pepsi?" I shook my head. How could he think I felt like eating, today of all days.

Darry sighed. "It doesn't feel right does it?" He asked. I shook my head. "I woke up this morning and I half expected mom to be in the kitchen swatting me with a spoon for trying to steal some food."

I looked up. It wasn't like Darry to be so open with me or with anyone. I sighed. "She used to get me on that a lot. Pony would just sit at the counter and laugh. She usually roped him into peeling potatoes for it."

Darry forced a smile. "And then dad would sneak up and dip his finger in the soufflé. She'd tell him he was as bad as us."

"I miss them Darry. They shouldn't be gone." I felt tears well up in my eyes and tried to reel them back in. I am sick and tired of being a bawl baby.

Darry nodded. "I do to. And I miss Pony."

I bit my lip. We couldn't even spend today with Pony because we both had to work early tomorrow. He just had to be all the way in Oklahoma City. I sighed.

He wasn't there anyway. That was Pony's body but he was somewhere else. It felt to me like he was somewhere between living and dead. It's called, what is it? Oh yeha limbo. We learned about it in some book we read in English but I was half asleep.

Maybe he was trapped and his body was all that was keeping him there. Sometimes I wanted to just end it all. I couldn't bring myself to starve him. That was still Pony's body. What if he had some ties to it still. I wanted to do something quick, painless.

I hate myself for having these thoughts. I absolutely hate it. Because he's my brother, my baby brother and I love him so much.

Sometimes these thoughts go away. I'll grab his hand and he'll grip me back. They told us it's a reflex but at times like that I'm not so sure. Sometimes it feels like he's begging me to let him go and others it's like he's begging me to help him stay.

It hurts to even think about it. I let out a sob.

**Darry**

Oh Soda….. I brought him to me. He rested his head on my shoulder. Today should be a day for celebrating. We should be laughing with our family and the gang. So why does it feel more like a funeral?

Soda's sobs racked my body. I felt sick as I rubbed his back. I didn't know what to say to comfort him. "It'll be okay." But how could it be.

Soda just looked at me accusingly. I sighed. This was all my fault, me and my big temper.

Just then there was a knock on the door. I eyed Soda and he shrugged. "You want to come with me?" He shrugged again. I sighed.

"I'll be right back little buddy."

"I think I just want to sleep for a little while."

"Okay."

I walked into the living room. Two- Bit stood at the door wearing a pair of blue jeans and his one nice sweater. "Hey."

"Why'd you ring? The doors always unlocked."

"I figured yawl might like me barging in."

I nodded. 'Mom wanted to see if yawl wanted to head over to our place for thanksgiving g dinner. She figures we owe you for all the food I mooch off."

I shook my head. "We aren't in any mood to celebrate."

He nodded. "I can bring some leftovers by later."

"Tell you're mom we said thanks."

"I will." He smiled. "You hear about Johnny's old lady?"

I shook my head. "She's bee up to visit him. Feeling sorry. About time. Well anyway his dad up and left after beating her half to death. Johnny says she wants to sober up, have him live with her. About time she feels sorry."

Good for Johnny. It's about time one of us has something going right. I only hope it would stick. As long as I've known the kid his parent's love was all he ever wanted. "That's good."

Two-Bit nodded. "Yeha just hope the bimbo don't go changing her mind. She'll have toi deal with us then huh? And Dallas. He'll be out by Christmas." Why is it things can't go right for Soda and me now? I sighed.

"You okay man? Is something wrong with Pony at the home?"

I shook my head. "No he's the same. We're going up Saturday to see him."

Two-Bit nodded looking nervous. "I um, I got to go. Mom will think I found a blond and eloped to Mexico."

The corner of my twitched. "See you."

I closed the door. At least somebody had something to be thankful for.


	23. Visiting

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**the Outsiders**_

**Johnny**

The nurses have helped me dress and for the first time in months I feel like a normal person even if my hair is cut short. I lift myself into the wheelchair, my transportation and my prison. I heave a sigh. I'm going home today and I am not sure how to feel about that.

Mom has come by a few times and I still can't really believe that she's my mom. My mom ignores me unless she's hacked, and then the whole neighborhood can hear her yell. My mom gets beat up by my old man when they fight. My mom drinks and doesn't take care of herself.

This mom is clean, neat and sober. She's nervous around me and doesn't k now what to say. All she does is apologies over and over again. She gives a crap. Her hair isn't oily and she's pretty. She smiles at me and cries. She is actually trying, for me. They are the same person but they are not. I can't wrap my head around it, too dumb I guess.

"Johnny?" I looked up. She was standing at the doorway. She licked her lips. She's sober. It's what I've always wanted, always. I've wanted my own family to care, to give a crap. I mean the gang is nice but they're not my parents.

"Hi mom."

"Are you ready?"

I just nod my head. I don't want to say anything wrong. I don't want to ruin this. I can't do anything right.

Mom smiled and walked over. She kneeled down so we were at eye level. "I'm going to try to make home better Johnny. I'm trying really hard." She lifted my chin so we were at eye level. "No more yelling no more fighting."

I smiled at her and she grabbed my hand. I wanted to recoil. Mom never touched me, not to hug, not to say good job. It was usually a hit. Mostly though, dad did the hitting. She gave it a squeeze and I sighed.

**Darry**

I nodded toward the nursing home. "Come on Soda." Soda bit his lip but followed me. He's starting to lose weight and his eyes have bags under them. He isn't smiling. I don't blame him. Seeing Pony this way, it's…….. It's hard, so hard.

I throw an arm over Soda's shoulders. "It's cold out here little buddy. Let's go get warmed up." He nods and we go into the home. It's downright depressing. There are old people everywhere and the walls are dreary. It smells funny. Soda sighs. I squeeze his shoulder and we go to the front desk to sign in,

"We're to see Ponyboy Curtis."

"Names?"

"Darrel and Sodapop, we are his brothers and I am his legal guardian."

"Sign here."

We sign and then we go to Pony's room. It is small but at least he doesn't have a roommate. Not an easy feet in a state run faculty, I think it's his age that clinched it for him.

He was awake just staring at the ceiling unfocused. The lights are on but my brother is not home, as Doctor Hansen put it. He is both aware and completely unaware of his surroundings. I glanced at Soda who was pale and shaky. He feels like I do.

At least he doesn't have to live with the guilt.

I walked over to Pony's bedside. His hair was a mess and he was pale and skinny. The track sweats that bounce fit him like a glove were as loose and baggy as if he were wearing my cloths, not his own.

Nothing has changed. He doesn't look like our Ponyboy anymore. Our Pony is getting to be handsome, _"He's going to be stealing all the gals from me soon if we don't watch out."_ Soda had said once causing Pony to blush. Now he looks like a corpse and it's all my fault.

I shudder but force a smile. If by any chance my brother is aware, even a little, I don't want to scare him. "Hey buddy, sorry we didn't spend Thanksgiving with you." My throat is suddenly dry and my voice horse. I don't know what to say to him or if it does any good. I just can't live with myself. The moment I start treating him like an invalid is the moment that it feels permanent. I can't let that happen.

I am responsible for what happened to Ponyboy and I want rest until I make things right for my little brother.

I felt Soda walk over. He looked down at Pony and frowned. He looked close to tears. I sat on the bed and patted it. Soda joined me. "It'll be okay." I told him.

Soda shakes his head and he looks at Ponyboy. "How can you say that? Look at him Darry, look at him. It's not Pony anymore. He's gone. He's gone and we're keeping what's left of him. He can't go anywhere. We've trapped him Darry." Soda was sobbing. I pulled him into a hug. I'm not so great with affection but I've gotten better.

"Don't give up on him Pepsi-Cola, don't you go and give up on him. He's crazy about you. If you give up he might as well wave the white flag. Pony's a fighter; he's done so well so far because we've been there for him. If we give up on him he'll give up."

Soda tried to smile. "You sounded like dad."

Dad, I'm so sorry dad. I've failed you. "Well one of us has to."

Soda nodded and he grabbed Pony's hand. "Get better Pony, please get better."

I leaned over and messed up his hair, we locked eyes, Pony and me. Or I guess I locked eyes with him.

_Two-Bit rolled his eyes. "Kid you're nuts. He messed up Pony's hair. Pony immediately took out a comb to fix it._

"_Not the hair."_

He was always very particular about his hair. At least that was one way I could help him. 'Soda give me your comb."

"Huh?"

"Give me your comb."

Soda cocked his head to the side but did as he was asked. I grabbed it and held Ponyboy up. He was stiff and ridged today. I sighed and began to comb his hair back. Soda let a cough. He looked awful.

I sighed and put Ponyboy back down. "That's at least a little improvement."

**Sorry it took so long to update. There will be a few more chapters and then maybe, just maybe a sequel. **


	24. The Trial

**I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

The courtroom was stifling hot. Sweat poured down Darrel Curtis's forehead. He glanced at his younger brother fiddling with his shirt collar. "Let it alone Soda." Sodapop nodded gloomily. He turned his head in the other direction. Johnny had pulled his chair up by the bench. His hair was unusually neat and clean cut. His mother had even bought him a new dress shirt. In the row just behind they were their other friends, all dressed unusually nice for hoodlums, the exception being Dallas but Darry had not expected much there.

He watched as some police lead the six boys who had changed their lives forever into the courtroom. He felt his blood boil. Though he shared their guilt hot hatred filled him up. These boys were why Johnny is a wheelchair. These boys were the reason Pony didn't even recognize his own name, would never read again, never run again.

Soda immediately made a move to grab his wrist. Darry noticed the scowl on his face. It didn't fit Soda, not at all.

The bailiff spoke."All rise for the honorable Judge Jackson."

Darry felt his body stand but he didn't remember even willing them to do so. "You may be seated." And just like that he was sitting.

"We are today December 10th 1966 to decide whether or not Robert Sheldon, Randle Anderson, David Hancock, Samuel Pettis and Roger Donaldson are guilty on two counts attempted murder, two counts assaults, one count underage drinking and one count drunken disorderly conduct. We will begin with opening arguments for the prosecution."

A man and a suit stepped up. Darry remembered conversations with him but he really didn't want to, too painful.

"A sixteen year old boy will never walk again, never run again. A fourteen year old boy, a fourteen year old boy will never be able to fend for himself again, a fourteen year old boy who can not feed himself, dress himself, run, walk or talk again. It is the prosecution's aim to prove with out a shadow of a doubt that the defense willfully followed these boys to Hawthorne Park with the aims of assault."

"And now for the defense."

If the defense lawyer talked neither brother heard it. Darry was to preoccupied with what the prosecutor had said. All that Pony never would ne, never would do. And Johnny hitting Pony had lead to Johnny's paralysis. He was consumed with guilt.

Sodapop Curtis was too angry. How dare that man say those guys were innocent. How dare he paint them as example citizens and Pony and Johnny as little hoods. How dare he say this wasn't purposeful. How dare he say these boys deserved mercy? Soda gritted his teeth.

And for his part Johnny Cade didn't know what to think. He half expected it to be like one of those Perry Mason shows that Ponyboy had always been nuts about. Thinking of Ponyboy made him sad. It wasn't right that Ponyboy would never, never be Ponyboy again.

It wasn't fair at all that he would never walk, even if home was better. He sighed. He felt very out of place. On TV lawyers were tuff, hard and mean. While this fit the defense, he was snobbish and pretty scary. He had Johnny not knowing what way was up. But everything else was so, so unexciting.

Although he felt sick when Darry and Soda took the witness stand. Darry had cried, big strong tough Darry, Superman, had cried. And Soda had never been so pale. He was shivering. He looked as sick as Johnny felt.

Steve Randle had never met Bob Sheldon before. He knew him by reputation of course. Captain of the baseball team, varsity basketball player, dated a cheerleader, threw wild parties and had the ego the size of the football field.

By virtue of this alone Steve did not like him. And to find out, as he did when Johnny took the stand, that he had not only lead the attack on the gangs poet and the kid, but was the one who gave Johnny the scar, made Steve hate him more. If there was one thing Steve had found he was at least as good at as he was with cars it was hatred. Although he knew perfectly well he had nothing to proud of there.

This was a bunch of bull according to Dallas. Of course they were guilty. What kind of guy didn't have the guts to take on a fourteen year old kid by himself. How many jocks did it take to beat up a couple of kids anyways? They'd get off easy, Dallas knew. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. But the hard cold truth was Dallas Winston's specialty and that was the hard cold truth.

Then there was that Anderson guy, none of the boys was sure what to think of him. He was the reason the boys were alive, he had remorse. But he and done the crime. If he had run away Pony wouldn't be suffering, but they wouldn't have him or Johnny. And he was sorry, truly sorry.

But it didn't matter, not really. What was done was done. And there in lied the contradiction.

"Court will adjourn for the jury's deliberation. "

Sodapop sighed impatiently, Dallas grunted, Steve scowled and Dallas stormed out. Johnny stayed characteristically quiet. One thing was on everybody's minds, the verdict. Would they catch a break for once in their lives? Would justice win out? And especially for the Curtis brothers would it bring closer?

Was there any way this verdict could make them feel at peace. Or would it just stand as another reminder of what they had lost?

Darry shot his brother a glance. Soda tried to smile instead of the awkward grimace adorning his face but he couldn't even manage that. Two-Bit Matthews stood up. He could not take it anymore.

There was too much emotion in the room, too much left unsaid. He hated things like this. But most of all he hated himself, for not making sure Pony got home, for offering to get the girls home. If he had just left well enough alone things would be okay. _"Me and my big mouth."_

**Verdict will come soon. I promise. I've been working hard as of late and all though I have the plan for this story in my head the execution is much harder. Its like reading a map upside down while talking on a cell phone, you get the basic idea but not the whole picture.**


	25. Verdict

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"_Court will adjourn for the jury's deliberation. "_

_Sodapop sighed impatiently, Dallas grunted, Steve scowled and Dallas stormed out. Johnny stayed characteristically quiet. One thing was on everybody's minds, the verdict. Would they catch a break for once in their lives? Would justice win out? And especially for the Curtis brothers would it bring closer?_

_Was there any way this verdict could make them feel at peace. Or would it just stand as another reminder of what they had lost?_

_Darry shot his brother a glance. Soda tried to smile instead of the awkward grimace adorning his face but he couldn't even manage that. Two-Bit Matthews stood up. He could not take it anymore._

_There was too much emotion in the room, too much left unsaid. He hated things like this. But most of all he hated himself, for not making sure Pony got home, for offering to get the girls home. If he had just left well enough alone things would be okay. "Me and my big mouth."_

The courtroom was stifling despite the cool December air outside. The mood was tense and static. If one were to drop a pen, any a feather, to the floor it would echo through the chambers. Darrel Curtis turned to look stare at his brother who was fiddling with his thumbs. Darry sighed. Soda had an evident scowl on his face. He wasn't expecting much in the way of the verdict.

Looking at all his friends Darry saw the same feeling was with all of them. Greasers do not get brakes. It was the unhappy truth and they all knew it.

Johnny looked unhappily at his lap ringing his fingers together. Steve chewed on his bottom lip shooting a nervous glance at his best friend. _"He doesn't look good."_ Her mused sadly._ "He looks sick."_

Dallas Winston chewed on gum staring at the ceiling. He really did care about the outcome but he wasn't about to let on. It wasn't like anything he did would sway the jury one way or the other. So he sat in boredom or rather non- complacency waiting for the results that he was sure would drive him to do something stupid.

Two-Bit Matthews sat drearily with his shoulders hunched. He did not want to be here. He did not want to know the outcome. It wouldn't change a thing. Johnny would still be in a wheelchair and Pony would still be a wreck. Nothing would change that.

He could not find a humorous spin on things to comfort himself. He could not do anything to make himself feel less guilty and he could not convince himself that if by some miricale the socs were found guilty that he would.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Jackson."

"Will the courtroom be seated for the reading of the verdict."

**Darry**

I let out a sigh as Jackson spoke. I looked at Soda. This was it. This was it. My mind flash back three months back to that hospital room and I shuttered.

_The ride to the hospital was uncomfortably silent. Soda bounced his leg up and down in a nervous fidget. Every few seconds he glanced out the window. I just stared straight ahead. My mouth was dry but my eyes felt wet. I squeezed them scooping back the tears. I couldn't lose my cool, not now._

_I took a deep breath and turned to get a better look at Soda. His face was deathly pale. I stifled the urge to sigh. The last time I sat in a cop car was that January day I was rushed to identify my parents. The idea that I might be doing the same thing with Pony made me sick._

_If he was perfectly fine then we wouldn't be in this car. A cop would have brought him home or we'd been called by the hospital. I recalled yesterday easily felt my stomach churn. Five minutes later and my brother could have been, could have been, I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't think about it._

"_We're here." The cop said pulling to the curb. Soda and I got out. Soda was shivering all over. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I had done this to him. I flinched but stopped when Soda turned to look at me. I had to be strong. I had to be stable; I had to be tough. Soda needed me._

"_Just follow me. We are going to the pediatric ward. There is a waiting room there." Oh lordie, pediatrics. Pony's still a kid, a little kid._

_Sodapop and I wordlessly followed the cop. Into the hospital, to the elevator and up three floors we went. The Pediatrics ward was a stark contrast to any of the other floors I had seen. The nurse's station was filled with stuffed animals and toys. The walls were lined with teddy bear wallpaper. Glory teddy bears, this whole hall was filled with little kids. My stomach did a summersault._

_The cop led us into an empty waiting room. There were quite a few chairs, a bench, some vending machines and some books. It too had toys and games. This had dinosaur wallpaper; the same Soda and I had when we were kids. I couldn't stand to look at it._

_I took a deep breath and looked at Soda. He looked like he could cry any moment. He's as tough as the next guy but Soda can be real emotional. I wanted to cry but I couldn't right now. I had to be strong. I had to be in control, for Soda and Pony._

"_The doctor will be here soon. I have to go back on duty. I am so sorry I couldn't tell you more." I nodded my head leaned against the wall. and sat down. I kept my head low and glanced at my watch, six A.M._

_It had been four hours, twelve minutes since I had hit him. My parents never ever hit us. I didn't even get smacked when I got plum wasted that night after a football game. Soda didn't even get a whipping when he wrecked mom and dad's car last summer._

_But I hit Pony. I was always, always nagging at him and yelling at him. I don't think I've said anything good to him in eight months. I wouldn't blame him if he hated my guts. I hated myself for sure. Sighing a just stared at the ground._

It really is a shame I couldn't be un trial but then again it already felt like I had a life time sentence. Living with this guilt is far worse than any prison sentence.

"Will the speaker please read the verdict."

I held my breath. "On the first count of assault we the jury find the defendants guilty…"

"_Huh?"_

I looked at the guys all the same reaction. "On the second count of assault we again find the defendants guilty. On the account of attempted murder, defendants guilty………."

I sat stunned. We were winning. We were catching a break. Pony was getting avenged. No that wasn't right. Pony wouldn't want us to seek out for revenge. He hated, hates, he hates fights. He hates pity, but still…….

**Soda**

Its over. Its over, its finally over I felt like crying. Maybe, maybe part of it was over. But for us, for Pony it never would be, not until he finaly dies. And then it would still be there, still raw.

"_He's going to need you now more then ever." We both turned to look. The doctor had walked back in with a bag. He walked to Ponyboy's bedside and started to connect it to an IV in Pony's wrist._

"_It's that bad?" I asked. I had only gotten the basic gest of what the doctor had told us earlier. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the smartest guy around and all this medical mumbo jumbo has thrown me through a loop._

"_Yes Mr. Curtis, I'm afraid it is." He'd finished connecting the antibotics and was now walking over to us._

"_Ponyboy has a significant head injury. He is in critical condition. His body has been under a great deal of stress and right now he is unable to fully sustain himself. Because of the brain injury he cannot control normal functions such as breathing or bodily excretions. We are currently doing that for him. If your brother lives there is a great deal of chance that he will spend the rest of his life hooked to these machines. He won't be able to take care of himself. He won't even be fully aware of what is going on. That is what being in a vegetative state entails and that is what the best case scenario is for your brother. Do you understand now?"_

_I nodded my head. 'Yes." But man oh man I wished that I hadn't._

_Darry had been quiet this whole time. "Is there, is there any hope. Could he bounce back from this?" I was stunned to see he was crying. I hadn't seen Darry cry in front of me since we were kids. He cried when our parents died but never in front of me or Pony. The only reason I knew about this was I had heard him in the shower. He had just sat in there and sobbed and sobbed. Now he was doing it in front of me. I felt tears sting my own eyes._

"_I really am sorry. We'll do some EKGs and other tests over the next few days but doesn't look promising."_

I wanted to cry but I was in public. Greaser's are tough. Greasers can take anything. So why did it still feel like the heart had been ripped out of my chest.


	26. Christmas 1

**I do not own**_** The Outsiders **_** or the songs used here.**

_And when those blue snowflakes start falling  
Thats when those blue memories start calling  
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white  
But Ill have a blue, blue blue blue christmas_

I turned the radio station.

_**I'll be home for Christmas  
You can count on me  
Please have snow and mistletoe  
And presents under the tree  
Christmas Eve will find me  
Where the love light beams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
If only in my dreams  
**_

I huffed and just turned it off. Is it just me or do radio jockeys have a sixth sense about playing the exact song to make you completely miserable. Maybe I just aint in a Christmas mood. We should have a lot to celebrate but it don't feel that way.

Christmas used to be my absolute favorite time of year. Dad would take us boys out to get the perfect tree. Mom would be waiting with eggnog and cinnamon rolls. And then while we decorated She would make cookies and Pony would decorate.

I used to pick at him about being a pastry chief but they really were pretty cookies. We never had much in the way of gifts but we always had something. I missed my mom's homemade sweaters and junk. I miss dad teaching me how to play guitar and mom and Pony on piano.

I miss falling dead asleep as Pony bores my socks off with a Christmas Carol. It was so boring but he and mom both loved that book. _"It's a ghost story at least Soda. Give it a try."_ She would say. Dad would wink and pretend to snore.

Then Christmas morning we would sing Christmas carols again. My mom had a wonderful voice. She used to sing us to sleep when we were kids. It was the only thing that could get me. I was always to rowdy. _"Santa won't come of you're awake Soda dear."_ Never worked on me.

There won't be any of that this year. Nothing to laugh about, nothing to sing about. Once more no little feast, no parents, no Pony; not really. And it just gets worse. Five days later and it'll be the anniversary of mom and dad's death, the first anniversary.

In a way it's almost a blessing, as much as I hate to say it. My parents… I took a deep breath. My parents would have hated to see Pony like that. Mom.. mom most of all. As much as he was always loath to admit it, he knew we would the guys would bug him about it, he was mom's baby.

And Pony. I miss my brother so much. I miss talking with him, playing football. I miss hearing him laugh and picking at him. I miss his smile. But I am thankful he can be spared of that pain for a little while at least. He hasn't got a clue about what's going on.

I shivered. I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. I should not be thinking them.

"Soda are you cold?" I pulled my coat string.

"I'm fine."

Darry shook his head but kept on driving. He knew, I know he knew what I was thinking. I just can read people like that.

* * * * * * * *

The home was decorated but no amount of ornaments could make the home or me cheerful. And its funny you know, because before all of this happened I was a cheerful guy; always smiling and laughing. No I I'm lucky when I have anything to smile or grin about.

_**Hear the snow crunch  
See the kids bunch  
This is Santa's big scene  
And above all this bustle  
You'll hear  
Silver bells, silver bells  
It's Christmas time in the city  
Ring-a-ling, hear them sing  
Soon it will be Christmas day**_

I hate Christmas carols. Right now they seem to be play everywhere and they just remind me of times and things I don't want to be reminded of. And the place smells something awful. Old people and disinfectant, what a combination.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. "I signed us in."

I nodded numbly. I want to see Pony I really do but I don't. It never changes. I hate seeing him there, drooling, stiff, hardly moving. I hate that glazed over look in his eyes. My brother used to light up when he talked. He would get so excited.

And he was never so still. He loved to run, I remember. He was so fast. I used to kid him about being in the Olympics.

_There was a knock on the hospital cubical. A man walked in. I looked up. He was familiar but I couldn't recall from where._

"_Hello Darrel, Sodapop. I heard the news this morning. I came right over." He looked awful sorry. He had on sweats and a whistle. Who was he?_

"_Hello Coach Winters." Darry said shaking his hand. Coach Winters, now I remember. He teaches history at the high school. He's Ponyboy's track coach._

"_Sodapop." He nodded at me. I nodded back. He turned to look at Pony. His face was drawn and serious. I looked at my brother the first time today. _

_Coach grabbed my brother's hand. He put something in there. Some kind of track pin. Darry had once I think. "I'm going to miss having you on the squad Curtis. I really think you had the stuff to make it to state. You had to be the fastest kid I've coached in years. I really was looking forward to having you in my class next year you know." He put a hand on my brother's shoulder and walked away from the bed._

"_I'm truly sorry Darrel. I enjoyed coaching your brother, for what it's worth. He'd have been a good football player too." Oh Yeha he was assistant football coach too. How could I have forgotten? _

_Darry clinched his teeth. He was having a hard time keeping his cool, a real hard time. "Thank you sir. "That means a lot to us." Coach Winter's nodded and left the room._

"_What he put in the kids hand?" Steve asked. Darry walked over and opened Ponyboy's palm. He grimaced. _

"_It's a track pin. It goes on a varsity lettermen's jacket."_

_Steve gave a low whistle. I just looked down agai__n._

"Come on Soda. He'll want …err we should be together. Its Christmas."

I nodded numbly. I mumbled under my breath. 'Well ho, ho, ho."


	27. Christmas 2 Seasson of Miracals

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. You're reviews have been wonderful and this chapter is for you guys. Hope you like it.**

**Tulsa**

_**I'm dreaming of a white Christmas  
Just like the ones I used to know  
Where the treetops glisten,  
and children listen  
To hear sleigh bells in the snow**_

Dallas Winston spat on the ground and rubbed his hands together. There was nothing special about this time of year. It was cold and it was wet. People spent money they didn't have on mindless gifts and trinkets and feasts only to be laid off come January.

He took a cigarette from his pocket, lit it up and took a puff. He began to walk, kicking the dirt beneath him. What was with everyone at Christmas anyway? He remembered the Curtis's. What did it get them. Good Christmas last year and less than a week later they were dead.

And this year, he gave a harsh bitter laugh. This year they were in a nursing home, some celebration. And Johnny. Dallas took another puff. The kid was stuck in some chair the rest of his life, a useless cripple.

Dallas mentally cursed himself. That wasn't right. Johnny was not useless, never useless. He cursed himself once more for being sentimental and went on his way to see Tim.

**Nursing Home- Soda**

The room was quiet, no carols, no cheerful decorations. The bed sheets were all twisted and there was a harsh smell to the room. Pony was asleep. His hair and cloths were a mess. He was so skinny. He looked like death, the ghost of Christmas yet to come.

I heard Darry grunt asked he walked over. His face turned red. "They haven't even got a catheter in him. He's soiled himself.." Darry clinched his fists and bit his lip. I knew he was just trying to stay calm. I think he blames his temper for all this in the first place.

I closed my eyes. I used to hear about places, homes that were bad. Our neighbor Mr. Hertford went to one when we ten for a broken hip. He was dead a month later. But Pony, he was a kid. It's bad enough people would leave an old person to die, abuse them, but a kid? Pony aint never hurt no one.

He's just a kid. What if, I don't think there is but what if, what if some part of him is aware? He should never be in pain? He's been through enough all ready. Darry kicked the trash can and cursed. Some Christmas huh?

I ran my finger's through my hair. The bed was so dirty. I looked around. There was a chair. "Darry get a nurse to change the sheets. I'll sit in the chair and you can hand me Pony."

He smelled so bad, looked so sick. I wanted to vomit.

Darry shook his head. "You go. I'll stay. If I go I'll lose my temper."

"And I won't?" I was starting to get mad myself.

Darry shook. "Listen Soda. You're much better at staying calm then I am. I don't want to be kicked out, savvy?"

I just nodded numbly and headed out.

**Darry**

He looked awful. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. This should be a happy day but its not and there is nothing I can do about it, nothing at all.

_Somebody shook me. I groaned. "Wake up Darry. Wake up. Santa Came. Santa came." I opened my eyes A pair of greenish eyes stared back at me and his grin was wide. Chubby little hands pulled on the bed and a small body landed in my lap._

_I had long since stopped believing in Santa and hated being woken up but I smiled at Ponyboy anyway."is that so?" He nodded. _

"_Soda's getting mom and dad. Do you think I got it?"_

"_I don't know what you're talking about." I winked at him. All Pony had talked about was getting a bicycle. I knew we couldn't afford a new one, a Schwann black phantom but dad and I went to the junk yard and found a bike that wasn't in to bad of shape. We fixed it up for him. I hoped Pony would like it._

_I swung him over my shoulder and we walked into the living room. Mom and dad were standing with Soda. "Merry Christmas Ponyboy."_

_I set Ponyboy down. He gave an excited squeal when he saw the bike. "A bike a bike, I got a bike. Wow this is the best Christmas ever." I heard dad chuckle and mom just smiled. She walked over and whispered in my ear._

"_That was a wonderful thing you did Darry. You are a good big brother."_

To this day I don't think Pony knows it was me who worked on the bike but I really don't care. I just wish I could see him as happy as he was then.

I looked down at Pony as I held his unresponsive body. The feeding tube was all tangled and his face was pale. He smelt like a port-a-potty we use on a job site. His cheeks were sunken in and his eyes rimmed dark. I felt more sad now then angry.

I ran my finger's through his hair. It was oily from not being washed. "I'm so sorry baby." I muttered now stroking his cheeks. "I'm so sorry." I heaved a sigh. "Merry Christmas."

His eyes popped open. I gasped in shock. He stared at me. He was actually looking right at me. I felt like crying.

His hand started to shake, like he was trying to pick it up. His mouth gaped open and.. and he tried to speak to me. "Pony?" He blinked.

"ma..ma..ma." He just kept sort of repeating himself but he was talking, he was responding. I have never had a better gift.

"Oh Pony…"


	28. Christmas 3 Revelations

_**S**__**aid the shepherd boy to the mighty king,  
"Do you know what I know?  
In your palace warm, mighty king,  
Do you know what I know?  
A Child, a Child shivers in the cold--  
Let us bring him silver and gold,  
Let us bring him silver and gold.**_

It was cold in the house. The heater, amazing as it was that they owned one to being with, was impossibly broken. There would be no fixing it. Carmine rubbed her arms and looked at the grey sky outside. It was a dreary sort of Christmas.

She shivered in the cold as the radio gurgled out Christmas carols. "Mom?"

She turned around. Johnny was behind her. She closed her eyes. This past month had been more eye opening to her then she could have imagined. She thought she had knew her son. He was a little hoodlum with no good friends, a dumb kid going no where.

Instead she had found a scared beaten boy who was braver then anyone she had known. He was a boy who had good friends. There were slightly hoodish but with a few exceptions they were good boys. She had wronged her son and that was a guilt that hurt so bad she could cry.

Incident and sobriety had opened her eyes and when she saw the face on the mirror she did not like it. If she and Robert had not been so hard on Johnny, no so mean, he would not have been at the park. He would be walking. He would smile more. She had really wronged him. Had he even had a proper Christmas before? She couldn't remember.

"Mom?"

She looked up. "Hello Johnny."

He wheeled himself closer. "Merry Christmas."

She forced a smile. She had yelled out him, hit him, though never badly as Robert. She had hurt her son over and over again. Yet, and yet he had still loved her, wanted her love in return. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. She had never even had a real family herself. She wasn't sure she could give it to Johnny now. But she would try.

"Merry Christmas."

Johnny licked his lips. Carmine looked at her son. His lips were blue and chapped. His arms were shivering. Carmine remembered something briefly about her son's circulation, something about it being poor now because of the injury. She frowned and took the threadbear blanket of her lap. She got up and placed it on his. She pushed his hair back.

Johnny let out a tiny sigh. This affection which should have been an everyday thing, so simple so easy, was new to both of them.

_**Sing, choirs of angels, sing with exultations,  
Sing all ye citizens of heav'n above.  
Glory to God, in the highest  
Yea, Lord we greet thee,  
born this happy morning,**_

She would make it up to him. She had to "I'm going out for a bit. Do you want anything." She fingered her pockets. They had maybe fifty dollars to their name, in the bank. But she would give Johnny a proper Christmas.

He shrugged. "Anything you want, anything at all." Johnny played with the frayed ends of the blanket.

"I, I used to go to the Curtis house for Christmas." She vaguely remembered the couple down the road. She had gone to high school with them but they were two and three years ahead of her.

"Oh."

"Mrs. Curtis she made cookies and we had eggnog. Can maybe.."

That woman had given more to her son then she ever had. "Then I'll get you some." _"And a blanket. It's the least I can do. A soft warm blanket. " _

"Thank you."

**The Nursing Home That Night- Soda**

"Why is it taking this long? Should it be taking this long?" I fidgeted. Darry put his hand on my knee to stop the shaking. His voice was steady and calm. How could he be this calm. This could mean the difference between life and living for our brother.

"It just takes time is all. They had to call the doctor at home. He's going to be okay. He was talking sort of. He's getting better. We know he's got some awareness now. He'll now when we're there."

"And when he's being neglected." I muttered remember seeing him there all dirty and skinny. His hair a mess, this morning. It made me sick, just sick.

I bit my lip. I could not get the image out of my head. I wanted to know, I wanted to know if I was getting my brother back. I wanted to know if a piece of him, no matter how small was coming home. I needed to know. I just needed to know.

**Next month is the fifth anniversary of my starting fanfiction. Five years have done me wonders. I've gone from fangirl to a true fanfiction writer. To celebrate I have decided to host a challenge. Here it is:**

**Write a realistic and well detailed AU fic in which one of the Curtis parents, just one survives the car crash. Stick to cannon characterization and include if you like step parents, severe injuries, physiological damage due to the death of a spouse, but no sisters or gang/oc girl romance. Help me celebrate Please.**


	29. Take Away My Breath

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

Breathe, just breath. Take a deep breath and relax, but I can't. I can't relax. I can't take a deep breath. My adrenalin is rushing and I feel like my head is reeling and rolling. I wish I could be more like Darry, calm and cool. He is like a rock, steady and unmoving, save for the harshest of storms. It isn't stormy anymore; but it still is raining, raining on us.

Pony is being wheeled back in the room. He looks better than before. He is clean and his hair is no longer quiet as shabby. His cloths are fresh and he has the catheter now. But he still looks starved. He's moving his head around on the gurney and his hands are clenched to the sheets tightly as he can muster. He isn't so strong these days.

Now somebody's home but the door is locked. He is here and he is alert but not really. My little brother isn't all there. Pony is more vibrant, more alive. He takes his time and lets the surrounding draw him in. He is dreamy but alert. I couldn't even call this alert. It's like he's in a haze, a fog.

The orderlies leans down as if to put my brother on the bed. Pony's mouth moves, open and close, open and close. But nothing coherent is coming out. "AAAA. BBBB, cah, cha.."

Darry puts a hand out. "Let me do it, please."

The two orderlies steal a glance. Pony's the only kid here, funny as it is to think of him as being little. I don't think the men are used to the whole parental figure and the tendencies that go with it. But they nod anyways.

Darry bends down and cradles Ponyboy. He's really too old to be carried like that but it feels, more, well it feels right with Darry being the one putting him in bed instead of some stranger. "There you go little buddy. We got to get some weight back on you. I don't think you were this easy to carry since you were eight years old.

A picture flash before my eyes of my baby brother riding piggy back on Darry and squealing with laughter covering our older brother's eyes. I shudder.

Darry smoothes Pony's hair and he gives a content sigh. At least he's happy. _"But how could Ponyboy be happy like this. Pony, he, he's a whatchamacalent, an intellectual. He would want to be that way. Why isn't he miserable. He should be miserable." _I tell myself although the last thing I want is for Pony to suffer.

"Soda's here too. Come on over Soda." Darry is thrilled. He is happy to have Pony even like this. He's usually the logical one, the one with sense. He should see what I'm seeing not the other way around. So why is it now I have his seriousness, Pony has my lack of brains and Darry has Pony's dreaminess. The world is going mad these days and I don't like it.

I force a smile and walk over to the bed. "Ha." I gulp.

"_I can't do this. I can't do this."_

"Hey Pony." His moth opens and he looks at me and I don't think he really recognizes me. I don't think tearing my ligament hurt this bad.

Closing my eyes so I don't cry, I've always been a bawl baby; I sit on the bed beside him. This is my brother, my closest friend. I should be able to do this but it feels like I can't.

"I've missed you Pone." I lick my lips. I had noticed how dry they were before.

Darry sits down on the other side. He's sitting closer to Pony and grabs his hand. _"That should be me. I'm the one who comforts Ponyboy. So why isn't it me?"_

"We both have buddy and we're going to get you better. I'm going to call the state tomorrow and see if we can get you some therapy. You'll be talking and running again in no time." I wonder if those words were for Pony's benefit or Darry's.

Pony head lolls like a rag doll. "Awk,."

"_I think I'm going to be sick."_

"That's right kiddo." I lie. I wonder if he knows. Pony always could see right through me but this isn't Pony, not really.

Pony yawns and I'm afraid. I'm afraid if he goes back to sleep he'll get worse again. I'm afraid if he goes to sleep I'll wake up and find this is all a dream. Even this level of, of I reckon of wakefulness, was wishful thinking on my part.


	30. Regretable Though It Is

**Disclaimer- I do not now nor have I ever owned **_**The Outsiders**_**. Or at least not the copyright. I own 2 copies of both book and movie. MY first copy of the book is so worn down the plastic is coming off the cover. I didn't even know paperbacks were covered in plastic.**

'I'm sorry Darrel but there is nothing I can do. My hands are tied."

I clinched my hands on the arms of the chair. That wasn't good enough. There had to be something, anything. How could they just let Pony stay like he is now when he had a chance for… maybe not a normal life, not the one he would have led if I hadn't… I gulped; "If I hadn't hit him. But he could be happy, maybe somewhat independent. He'd be able to live, really live.

"There has to be something else you can do."

Miss McMullan smoothed at her skirt and shook her head. "The state of Oklahoma just doesn't have any sort of program for assisting with payment for your brother's occupational therapy. The state has nursing homes but has yet to build a rehabilitation facility to accommodate wards of the state or those in your current situation. It is regrettable but….

I tensed. "Regrettable... Regrettable... Regrettable?" _"Don't lose your temper. Don't lose your temper._ _That's what got you into this in the first place."_

Miss McMullan sighed. "I really want to help you Darrel. I do but right now I just can't. It is tragic what happened; it really is."

I grunted. "Then do something about it. My brother isn't just some other case file. He's a kid. "

"I'm aware of that Darrel. I have met your brother before. I know he's a kid. I want to help….. I really do but right now there is nothing I can do."

I bit my lip and clinched tighter. Miss McMullan leaned back, slightly frightened. I guess I can come off kind of frightening sometimes.

"Then do something, anything."

She sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

"That's all I ask of you."

"Come in next week, okay. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

* * * * * * *

"Soda, Soda I'm home." I looked around. The lights were off and the radio and TV were silent. I sighed.

"Soda, Sodapop…" I walked toward the hall. Call it brother's intuition. I heard soft crying. I tilted my head and opened the door to the room Pony and Soda used to share. Soda was lying on the bed looking at something. His shoulders were shaking.

"Pepsi, Pepsi are you okay?"

Soda sniffed and sat up. He gave a weak smile but it didn't reach his eyes. He has our dad's eyes. Warm chocolate brown usually livelily and sparkling with life. Right now they were dull and red rimmed.

"I was… I was just reading one of his journals. Didn't know he wrote like this Darry. He was…"

I gulped and sat on the bed. "Let me take a look."

Soda nodded and handed me the book. There were doodles all over the page, horses and trees and vines. His writing was a neat almost artful cursive. I gulped tracing the lettering.

Walk upon a windy day

Along the path from which I stray

Dark clouds rising overhead

Tears of rain pouring down

Ever he walks from the crowd

Into shadow into death

He goes boldly

And with the wind goes his last breath

------

The wild stallion races

Free his sprit flies

Up unto the heavens and far above the sky

The rhythm of hooves

Beating drum of heart

And onward he chases

Wherever the will shall arise

I gulped. He was so creative, so smart and I never bothered to take the time to notice. And now… thanks to the uselessness of the state he may never be again.

I don't know where I'm going

And I've lost sight of where I've been

The fog has settled in

Somewhere I am lost

A soul left unfound

Of whom I am and who I've been

I'll find myself eventually

Until the darkness settles in

"He'd have been a writer. I read some of his stories too. I never read them before you know, they're really good. He'd have been famous Darry. He'd have been somebody."

I closed the book. "He's still somebody Soda."

Soda ran his hand threw his hair. I noticed there was no grease in it. "Yeha, maybe."

I fingered the leather bond cover. I think it used to be one of mom's journals. She had some from when she was a girl lying around, _"I never could get around to writing more than a page or two."_ She would laugh._"Never had the patience for it. I'd get bored too quick."_

"What did Miss McMullen say?" Soda asked halfheartedly.

I didn't even want to think about it. "There's nothing she can do right now but she'll look into it."

He nodded and cursed a little. I held back the temptation to scold him. "Should have known."

I put a hand on Soda's shoulder. "Hey little buddy, we'll figure a way to help him."

"Maybe it'd been better if Anderson had left him for dead."

My eyes widened. "Soda, what are you saying?"

He looked down at his lap and played with the quilt he was sitting on. I couldn't believe he said that, how could he? This was Ponyboy we were talking about. How could he be better off dead? What would we do without him?

Soda was crying. "I....I" He sighed. "It was like at the home l…. He doesn't know us Darry; He can't even go to the bathroom himself. He can't talk. How can he live like that? What would mom and dad say?"

My eyes widened because I could almost see it; mom sobbing into dad's shoulders. I could picture clearly Dad's face stony and grim, his hands rubbing her shoulder. I pursed my lips together. But Pony was here again, at least a part of him. Surely that meant something. Albeit the state wasn't looking to promising in helping him, he had a chance at life. Mom and dad would have wanted that for him.

"Things are going to get better Soda, they are. Pony has come so far. Nothing happens without a reason Soda."

"Mom said that all the time. "He sighed. "But why Pony Darry, why him? He had a future, a real future. He was going to get out of here, be somebody."

I rubbed circles around Soda's back like he usually does for me. "He's still got a future Pepsi Cola. It's just a different one. All we can do is be there for him like we always have, try and make it as pleasant as possible for him. Can you do that buddy?"

Soda sniffed but nodded. He looked at the alarm clock. "You got to get to the warehouse." I stared and gulped. We couldn't afford me tasking off work.

"Thanks buddy."

He nodded and pulled away wiping his face on his sleeve. "I think I'm going to call the boss and see if I can pick up another shift tonight."

I shuddered. "I don't think I like you working at night Soda. It could be dangerous."

He flashed a halfhearted grin. 'I'll be fine Darry. We need the money. Besides working takes my mind off of things."

"You sure about this little buddy?"

He nodded. "Yup."

I shook my head. "I don't like this Soda."

"It'll be fine."

What would I do without him?

**AN- Sorry for not updating for awhile. Between college and work, well I've been busy. I'll try to update more. Please review. And if you want enter the challenge on my page. I've always liked that plot idea but am not sure if I could right it.**


	31. My Life the Nightmare

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

I couldn't sleep that night or rather morning; having not gotten in until about 5 AM. I used to hear people say that time and distance makes the heart grow fonder. I never bothered to think it would make things hurt worse than they already do, but it has.

I miss my brother more now than I ever have before. Reading his poems, seeing his doodles; it made him so much more real to me. I miss him. He made me feel like I was worth something, like each day was worth getting up to meet.

He saw the world in a way I never can and never will. I had the flashlight under the blanket, reading more poems. It hurt. it's not like I enjoy the pain, but it brought my brother; the real Pony back even for just a moment. I could feel him with me, really there.

I think these ones were before mom and dad died because they were so much happier; like he had something real and true to live for.

_A dream is a shooting star_

_I watch it reaching and grasping_

_It slips to and fro_

_Until my fingers lay quenched around its tail_

_And I follow it wear it may go_

_The sun shines ever bright_

_Circling till it conquers the night_

_And with its will and with its might_

_To defeat the darkness in the warm glow of night_

_I dreamed I could fly_

_Higher then the bird_

_Soaring above the trees_

_I dreamed I swam in the deepest sea_

_I floated with the fishes_

_Seeing all there is to see_

_I rose into space_

_To catch a star falling into place_

_And when I woke from my slumber_

_All the world was waiting for me_

_I'll I had to do was grasp it_

_My mind was the key_

I gulped. "Pony…" I don't think him actually dying would hurt this bad. At least I'd know he was at peace, with mom and dad. He would still be Pony, my smart funny, shy little brother. Yawning and reaching for my brother who simply was no there, I fell asleep.

_The room was dark and silent. I shivered and rubbed my arms. It was freezing too. I could see white smoke from my breath. What was this place. "Hello!" I called. "Is anybody there?"_

_And then I heard it. It was soft, barley louder than a pin drop. Someone was crying._

"_Hello. Hello. Whose there?" I walked towards the crying. It got gradually louder and louder. And then._

"_Umph." I bumped into someone. The crying stopped and the darkness grew a little lighter. "Sorry I…"_

_The crying person turned around. His eyes were red rimmed with tears and he was wearing my old sweater. I gulped. "Pony?" I reached for him. My hand fell right through._

"_Pony?"_

_He turned around. His face was deathly pale and bluish but he wasn't so thin looking. His eyes were wide. He reached out to touch me. His hand was so cold and it went straight through. He sighed._

"_I wanna go home Soda. I wanna go home."_

_He was crying and my heart was breaking. "I can't get out of here. I've tried."_

_I wanted to hold him. "I miss you Pony."_

_He shivered. "Soda, I hear mama."_

_My face grew wide. 'What's she saying Pony?"_

_He sniffled and just stared at me, just stared. "She's calling Soda like when we was little and playing outside. Remember it'd get dark and she'd call?"_

_I nodded. "She wants me to go to her."_

"_Pony….."_

"Pony! Pony! Pony………….."

I felt rough hands shaking me. "Soda, Soda, wake up."

"Soda."

I sprang up with a start, sweating bullets. Darry was sitting on the bed beside me. He was frowning. "You okay little buddy?"

I shivered but nodded my head. Darry had enough to worry about. He sighed. "I can't stop thinking about him either."

I looked down at the covers. It's not really like Darry to be able to read what's on my mind. But then again maybe he's thinking the same thing as I am. He must be. I don't think our brother's been very far from either of our thoughts lately. How could he be?

"I'm okay, just a nightmare."

And the sad thing is that my nightmare is nothing compared to my reality.

**A.N. Sorry its crappy. ******** I was board. **


	32. Arrivals

**To all my reviewers past and present. Thank you thank you. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Your posts make my day.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

"Yeash the kid aint been out of the house in months. It'll do him some good."

I rolled my eyes. "Aint he a little you know..."

"Awe he'll be fine. It aint like Johnny's ever been real sociable Steve. How him and old Pony made conversation I'll never know."

I laughed nervously. I really did not want to think of my best friend's kid brother even if we knew his mind was starting to work.

Two-Bit slammed on the breaks and I looked at Johnny's house. It was better kept then before but still easily the most worn down house in the neighborhood. There was a ramp connected to the porch now. It seemed to me that Darry had put that end but how he had the time or energy I'm not sure.

Two-Bit gave a nervous laugh. "Good thing we asked old Dal to meet us at the show. Can you imagine what he'd say?"

It never set well with Dallas, the way Johnny was treated, but even though it made him mad as anything he tried to tell Johnny to brush it off and play it cool. But I have a feeling its Dallas's secret ambition to really lay it into Johnny's old lady. I wouldn't have minded seeing that six months ago but at least the broad is actually giving it a try; and Dal has a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush. You should see him stone drunk.

"Well better go get him." We hoped out of the car, hoped the porch and knocked on the door. A black haired women in a ratty dress answered. She didn't look like a slob though. Johnny's mom. She didn't look thrilled to see us though. Old feelings die hard.

"Johnny, your," she paused, 'your friends are here."

I peaked over Two-Bits shoulder and saw Johnny pushing that squeaky old chair. He had a jacket on and a blanket on his lap. It was awful cold out. He may not have done so hot in school but Johnny has always had common sense.

Two-Bit laughed. "Come on kid, we got to waitresses to go that'll go all the way and their waiting in the car."

Johnny and I both stifled laughs. Mrs. Cade looked pretty stunned. It reminded me of that disapproving look Mrs. Curtis used to make when ever Two-Bit crossed the line. He doesn't understand the concept of boundaries. Sometimes it can be pretty irritating.

"He's kidding mom." He looked at me as if to ask if Two-Bit really was. Sometimes with Two-Bit it's hard to tell; another one of his less then appealing features. But then again I have a bad habit of looking for the worst in people, like soda's kid brother. It makes me real irritable and rude sometimes. I regret that now. The kid didn't deserve the way I treated him.

"Yeha kid he's just kidding. We better bug out before his mouth gets him in trouble."

Johnny nodded. I made to grab the handles of the wheelchair but Johnny ground his teeth and stopped me. "I can do it myself you know." I was a little shocked. Johnny never opened his trap. I backed off pretty fast.

"Yesh kid you went and grew some…" Two-Bit stopped midsentence. No one of us really ever rag on Johnny. You just can't do it.

"Come on ya'll let's get into that old port holer. I aint itching to have to park in back again."

"Yeha, Yeha, alright."

**Meanwhile at the Curtis House- Darry**

The guys were going out and I really wish Soda was going with them. These days he just goes to work, comes home and mopes around the house. As worried as I am about Pony, I'm a little more worried about Soda.

When we were little I always thought dad had really gotten it right, naming him Sodapop. The terror of Saint Louis Avenue that was my brother. He was so energetic and hyper that he gave new meaning to the term bouncing of the walls. And you never met a sweeter, happier little kid.

Now.…. Now it feels like he's just gone flat. I'm worried about what he might do. He's easier to agitate now then I've ever been. He's always had a bit of a temper but now he's got me looking calm. I'm just so scared of what he may do next.

In so many ways, and I hate to admit it, but in so many ways I've lost Pony. I want him to get better but he'll never be the same Pony. I'm not stupid I know that he's not coming back, no matter how much therapy he goes through.

He'll be alive, maybe have a good quality of life; but he won't be the same dreamy little kid. Soda's all I have. I can't, I won't lose him too.

Soda walked into the living room looking glum and tired. I sighed inwardly. "Hey little buddy." He nodded at me.

"You know it's not too late for you to go to the show with the guys."

He shrugged heading for the kitchen. At least he was eating. "Come on Soda." I stood up and followed him. "You can't just stay here all the time. You're wasting away. What would mom and dad say? Pony he'd….."

He set the carton of milk on the counter and his hands clinched. "**They're dead Darry. They're dead. What could they say? And what about Pony? What could he do, drool at me?**"

I tried not to flinch. Soda doesn't tend to have outbursts like this. He's the supposed to be the calm one, the peacemaker. And what he said about Pony…….

I made to put my hand on his shoulder but he pushed me away and started out of the kitchen. I followed him. He grabbed his coat off the rack. "Where are you going?"

"Movies." He said shortly slamming the door shut. I sighed; at least he was going out.

Just then the phone rang……..


	33. Movies and Phone Calls

**To all my reviewers past and present. Thank you thank you. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Your posts make my day.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Johnny**

Two-Bit opened the door for me and had my chair our. He offered his hand. I don't need anyone's pity. Its why I don't go to school. The teachers already had me pegged for some stupid little hood. If I came in my chair they'd start the pity poor. Poor little Johnny Cade in his wheelchair.

I just want to do stuff for myself. I'm not helpless. I didn't tell this to Two-bit though. Greasers don't feel sorry for themselves.

"I'm fining Two-Bit. I can get it."

"You sure kid?"

I tried raising an eyebrow, his little trick. He grinned. I smiled at him. "Yeha I'm sure."

"Okie-dokie." I wondered briefly if he was blitzed. It's hard to tell sometimes but who uses Okie-dokie anymore? That went out of style when we were all in grade school.

Steve shook his head. Apparently he was thinking the same thing.

I plopped into my chair. "Ya'll ready?"

They nodded. We went along. "Bout time ya'll got here." I looked up. Dallas was sitting on a t-bird, most likely a stolen one, smoking a Kool. He breathed out smoke. Dallas is one tough old guy.

Steve laughed. "Hey Dal. How ya doing? Got Officer Krink running around crazy?"

Dallas smirked taking another puff of his KOOL. "Na, slow week for me."

Two-Bit grinned. "You staying out of trouble. I may have to call the press, I do believe the world is coming to an end."

Dallas smirked. " It's only Saturday Matthews." He noticed me and blinked. "Hey kid."

I nodded. Dallas is one cool old guy. Aint nothing out there that can touch him but I think my chair kind of rubs him the wrong way.

"Can I bum a weed?" Dallas nodded and just like that he had his cool back, He hoped of and handed me a lit cigarette. Aint nothing like a weed to calm a guy's nerves.

"I'm hungry. Who's up for the snack bar?"

Dallas chuckled. "Matthews you and that bottomless pit of your are always hungry."

I reached in the small pouch on the left side of my chair but then remembered I was broke.

Steve ruffled my hair. " Don't worry kid, pay day. I'm buying."

"Hey what about me?" Two-Bit asked.

Steve winked at me. "I don't think a Soc has enough money to fill you up. You're on your own." I laughed. It felt good to be out with the guys again.

We went off toward the snack bar. It wasn't really crowded for a Saturday but then again, it was awful cold out.

"Hey Randle aint that Soda?" I looked up to where Dally was pointing. A guy was leaning on the wall smoking. That couldn't be Soda. He hardly ever smokes. But it was.

"Yeha, it is. Let me go talk to him. " He tossed me a dollar. "Here kid get whatever you want." He walked over to Soda. I really wanted to get a better luck. But I didn't want to intrude.

"Come on ya'll. Let's let them talk." I knew what Two-Bit was saying. If he'd talk to anyone of us, Soda would talk to Steve.

* * * * * * *

Steve came loping along with Soda at his side. Soda looked awful, just awful. I'll bet he hand't slept in days. He gave a week sort of grin.

"He ya'll."

I nodded.

Two-bit patted him on the back. "Good to see ya."

Soda shrugged. "What's playing?"

"Torn Curtain. It's a Paul Newman flick. Better then some old beach movie…"

I bit my lip when Dallas said this. Paul Newman is Pony's favorite actor. He told me all the time how tough the guy was. How Pony wish he was that tuff. And how Paul Newman was way better looking and cool.

If I remembered correctly he even saw this movie when it made its first run. I looked at Soda who fiddled with a string on his shirt.

"Oh."

It was going to be a long night………..

**Curtis House Darry**

I sat in my old armchair rubbing my temple. I couldn't get the phone call out of my head.

"_Hello, Curtis residence Darrel speaking."_

"_Hi Darrel I'm sorry to be calling this late…"_

"_Its not to late.. Mrs…"_

"_McMullen."_

"_Oh Miss. McMullen. How can I help you."_

"_Actually Darry I have some news for you about Pony."_

"_Pony is he…" My heart pounded._

"_He's fine. Actually this is very good news. I found a rehabilitation center for him."_

_, just thirty minutes from Tulsa._

_That was all well in good but we couldn't afford to pay it. Those things ran awfully high. "We can't…."_

"_I also got in contact with a nonprofit organization called Golden Angels helping hands. A neighbor of mine is actuality a member. They usually only help senior citizens but when I explained about Pony to them they were more than willing to help."_

_I hated charity. "The home costs $1500 a month. The Golden Angels will pay three fourths of that leaving you to pay just about four hundred dollars a month._

_I sighed. Even with both of us working full time we couldn't afford that. My poor Pony. "That all sounds good but we still aint…" I hated admitting anything like that._

"_I wasn't finished. The home has agreed to lower the cost to $1100 a month leaving you to pay $275. The state will pay forty eight percent of that leaving you to pay$143. The only catch is Ponyboy would have to come home on weekends. Now I know that this is also difficult with your working schedule so I have arranged for an old friend of mine who is a retired nurse to stay from 8 in the morning until 5 in the after noon every Saturday."_

_I didn't know what to say. "Thank you."_

"_You're welcome Darrel. I'm just glad to be able to help. You have a very special brother. He deserves to have the best life he can be given. Now my boss wants me to make sure you can handle your brother so my friend will come by Thursday evening and train you lot in his care. Then Friday he will arrive home by ambulance. You'll have to spend this weekend taking care of him yourself. If my boss is impressed you'll retain custody and after his time in the center he can live with you full time."_

_Pony, home, here with us, forever. We could be a family again. He could be given some sense of normalcy, Soda might even perk up. "Thank you, thank you."_

"_Your welcome Darrel."_

I sighed. Of course this was all well in good but the reality was different. In many ways right now my brother was like a baby trapped in a teenage body. It hurt like hell to see him like that. He would need catheter changes, someone to feed him, wash him, dress him. Even as he got better he would need help. It would be tiring and I knew my stress levels would rise.

And who's to say Soda would be happy with it all. He's been having difficulty with the fact that even though part of Pony is gone he's still our brother. How he would react? Why is it that life is a double edged sword? Nothing can be all good or all bad.

Just then the door slammed. Soda walked in. "Hey little buddy."

He looked up. "Oh, hey."

"How was the movie?"

He shrugged.

"Soda?"

"Yeha?" he asked gloomily.

"I have something to tell you."

"What?" He flopped down on the sofa. This wouldn't be easy.

"Pony's coming home."................................


	34. Disbelief

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders. **_**Thank you for your kind and faithful reviews.**

Soda was sitting on the sofa dangling his feet. He looked awfully glum. I figured he'd be a little happy, with his brother coming home today and all. But he looked like he did the other night at the movies. There's nothing sadder then seeing Soda upset, nothing. Its like tasting a flat Pepsi. It just aint right.

I walked over to him and sat down. "Hey buddy. Penny for your thoughts."

He shrugged. Its really unnatural for Soda to be quiet. He usually yammers from noon until night, if not longer. But lately he's been so down and out. I understand but at the same time I don't get it. He should be happy.

Pony he's coming home. He's going to get help. Heck I aint nuts about the kid but even I know it's a good thing. Even I am happy for the kid. But Soda, he should be ecstatic.

"Come on buddy. You know you can't keep secrets from me. You've been moping around all morning."

Soda and I have never had secrets from each other. We've been friends a long time. He's always been there for me, if I need to talk or if I just need a laugh. Now I just wish he would let me be there for him. I'm not a very sensitive guy but I know when I need to return a favor.

Soda fiddled with his shirt tail.

"Soda…"

He looked down and mumbled something. "Sorry didn't catch that."

"I don't want him here."

My eyes widened. For years I was jealous of Pony because he monopolized all of Soda's time. I mean Soda loved that kid. He used to take him everywhere. I used to hope he'd lose the kid one of these days but not like this.

"Soda what are you talking about?"

"I don't want him to come home."

"Soda he's your brother."

Soda closed his eyes. "He isn't Pony anymore."

I was shocked. Soda kept telling me how much he was worried about Pony and now he was saying Pony didn't exist. "How can you say that?"

Soda shrugged again. "He's just not. Pony he's.. he's different."

Soda was always bragging about his brother. He adored that kid. I mean I aint never seen two people spo close. There was just something about each other they just got. For Soda to say that….

"Soda…."

He sighed. "I want my brother back Steve, my brother. I want my brother who likes to read too much and who runs super fast. This Pony, he, just is. He can't talk. Steve I don't even think he knows who I am or who Darry is. I don't even think he knows who he is. He just aint Pony anymore., he just aint."

Soda squinted. He was trying to act tough but I know for him to say this, it was really bothering him, really.

I sighed. "I guess your right. The kid aint the same and probably aint ever going to be again."

Soda looked up. "But he's still your brother. I mean nothings going to change that. Blood is blood aint it?"

Soda's face scrunched up like he was really thinking. "I guess."

"He still needs you Soda. You know he's always needed you. I used to get so jelous because he always came first. Even before your parents died. You took that kid everywhere. I remember his first day of school."

Soda smiled a little. "we had Recess together."

I nodded. "And I was so mad because I wanted to go merry-go round but you wanted to have Pony with us. He was too shy of the other kids. So we ended up in the sandbox."

"And on the swings."

"You remember."

Soda nodded. "I felt so bad for him because I mean when he was little Pony just would not go around strange people. If we didn't play with him he'd have been all by himself."

"See you've always done what the kid needed. Well right now he needs you to take care of him. I mean glory Soda he's still your brother. He's just different is all?" It be an it'd insult to who the kid was for Soda just to abandon him.

Soda shrugged. "Knowing something doesn't mean you have to accept it Steve. I mean yeha he is my brother but he's not the one I grew up with and I can't deal with that Steve. I just can't."

I didn't have anything to say to that.

**Oklahoma State Penitentiary**

Bob Sheldon lay flat on is back staring at the ceiling. He sighed. _"Another fine mess you've gotten yourself into Bobby boy, another fine mess_." He let out a sigh.

"Hey Sheldon you got a letter." Bob shot up.

"Huh?"

"I said you have got mail." The warden slipped the letter in the **cell** and went on his merry way. Bob slipped off his cot and grabbed the letter.

He tore open the envelope. He recognized the elegant cursive immediately. _"Cherry…"_ He hadn't heard from her in months.

Bob,

I'm sorry Bob. It's over. I just can't deal with this anymore. How could you? How could you? He was such a nice boy. I'm not your property. If it wasn't for your drinking….. Why do you do it Bob? Why do you drink like that? Those boys never did anything wrong, nothing?

That little one is still in a nursing home Bob. He's just fourteen. I read about him in the paper. Their going to put him in a rehabilitation center. He can't even go to the bathroom Bob. He was just a little kid.

You're such a nice boy Bob, when you don't drink. But you drink all the time Bob. As it is your going to be in prison for a long time. I'm sorry Bob. I just can't do this anymore. I'll always be your friend but I can't be your girl any more.

Cherry

Bob crumpled up the letter hand. "Stupid little greaser brats. Lost me my girl." He growled. _"It's your own fault you know. You brought this on yourself. What kind of sick masochistic monster are you? They didn't beat themselves up. You were having a blast doing that and you know it. The only person you have to blame is yourself and maybe good old Jack Daniels_"

Bob clinched his fists_. _Nobody liked having a dear John letter but that little voice inside of himself was slightly more annoying. Because that voice had hit the nail on the head.

**Wow an update? I am so sorry for the delay. I am expecting one more chapter and a sequal in the works. Right now I am working an a one shot to honor Patrick Swayze who was an amazing man and artist. **


	35. Vists on the Weekend Ward

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_

**Thanks to all my reviewers**

Week three; it's his third weekend at the clinic. He's coming home for the weekend. I should be looking forward to seeing him. He's my brother and I love him; but it just feels like something that was there isn't there anymore. I have an empty place.

Darry smiled at me as we pulled into a Dairy Queen about a mile and a half from the center. "This'll make a nice change from that hospital stuff."

I nod my head. Pony can eat solid food right now but he's still skinny as a rail. I hate that. He was always tiny but he used to be muscular. And now he can't even feed himself. He's so little, just so little. …

"You want anything Soda?"

My head popped up. "Um…."

"Burgers then?"

I nodded my head. I'd lost my appetite these past few weeks.

"Okay."

Darry shook his head. "Come on Soda. You have to eat."

"I said okay."

Darry sighed. "Alright then…."

* * * * * * * * *

"Hello Mr. Curtis."

Darry shook the doctor's hand. "Hello. Doctor Corbin."

Doctor Corbin smiled at the bag in Darry's hand. "Real food, Ponyboy will enjoy that."

"I hope so. How is he this week?"

"He gained five pounds." My head shot up. Five pounds wasn't a lot but….

"That's great."

Doc smiled. "He's sitting up as well."

A baby can sit up. I want a little brother who is real. I want my brother back.

Darry was grinning. "He was?"

"He is. His coordination is still horrible but we are working on that."

"I'm glad to hear it. And the other stuff."

"Will be worked out in time Mr. Curtis. We will have Ponyboy as well as we can fix him. I do however have concerns about his vision."

I bit my lip. If Pony was any part of his body he was his eyes. He loved to just look at stuff, sunsets and stars and stuff. He loved to read and draw. But I guess if your brain is fired the rest of the stuff is pretty pointless.

"What concerns Doctor?"

"I've noticed Ponyboy has trouble with tracking, and he seems off balance when reaching. I had an optometrist look at him. There is vision loss due to the injury or the seizures."

"What do you suggest you do?"

I kicked the dust at my feet. Why is it that we are always two steps forward and three steps back?

"We'll have more therapy and try glasses. It is all we can do."

Darry nodded. "Thank you."

"I guess you can see him now. I think he will like that."

"Thank you sir." Darry shook his hand again. "You ready Soda?"

I put my hands in my pockets and nodded.

I followed Darry down the long hallway to Pony's room. Pony was asleep. He sleeps a lot. I think there is something to do with energy levels or something. I don't know.

Darry sat the food on the bedside table. He walked over and put a hand on Pony's shoulder. "Pony, buddy wake up." My brother's eyes popped open. He didn't freak out.

When we got him home that first time before he came to the center he went wild. He clawed and bit at us. He was terrified, of his own home. Apparently he was scared. I am real sorry about that. How can someone be scared of his own home?

Pony smiled. He doesn't know who we are, not really, but he knows that he likes it when we come. He's a little baby in a fourteen year old's body. I never realized that there could be anything so much worse than death.

He looked better at least, skinny as a rail, but not as peaky. He looked more alive.

Darry sat on the bed. "Let's sit up huh? I got you some Dairy Queen. Hamburgers. They're really good."

If Darry had been half this gentle around Pony before the accident the whole mess never would have happened.

He helped Pony up. Pony gulped. I walked over. Something about him; I can't stand to see him like this but something compels me to. I most really care about him. How can you love the very cause of your pain? How can you stand it? I don't know. I just don't know.

"Hey Pony. You ready for another weekend?"

He smiled, just smiled. "I'll take that as a yes." My voice cracked.

Darry pulled out a half of a hamburger. "Here you go buddy. Take a bite." He put it to our brother's mouth. He made a mess of things.

I hate my life these days…….

**As many of you know Thursday October 8****th**** is Sodapop Curtis's Birthday. Forgoing his death in Nam are favorite hunky Greaser would be turning 60. As such I challenge everyone to write a oneshot without oc romance in honor of Soda. Can be about anything so long as Soda is the main character.**

**Cheers….**

**This is not the last chapter…….**


	36. Therepy

**Disclaimer I do not own **_**The Outsiders**_**. I'm sorry I have not updated in a long time. I hope this story is good enough to make up for it.**

He gave a whine as he plopped to the ground. The nurse stared at the therapist who nodded. She walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on now dear." The boy rocked a little and gave an almighty yell.

"Use your words. Come on you're a big boy. "The boy clumsily tried to push the nurse off.

The therapist walked over. "Now Ponyboy I know you can do better. I know you're tired and it hurts. But you have to do this. Come on now." He yelled again. The therapist sighed.

He leaned down and began to rub the boy's legs gingerly. Ponyboy closed his eyes and whined. "Easy now. Does that feel better?"

Ponyboy was quiet. "I'll take that as a yes. Now come on then. Your brothers will be here soon. You want them to see you walk, don't you?" The therapist wasn't even sure this patient recognized the two boys he spent every weekend with as his brothers, but they were trying to get to that point. He in the very least looked forward to their visits.

He hauled Ponyboy to his feet. Ponyboy fell. His arms tumbling into the therapist who caught him. The poor coordination was just another of the side effects of the brain injury. It really was a crying shame.

"Come on now. You can do this. Just hold onto the bars. There's a good lad."

Ponyboy stumbled and his legs turned outward. The therapist helped him stand straighter. He could feel the sweat perspiring off his patient. "You're doing good."

Ponyboy grunted. "I know it hurts kid. Just go on." Pony plopped down.

He groaned trying to push the therapist away. In his eyes were tears.

A nurse walked in. "Darrel Curtis is here."

The therapist nodded. "Ponyboy, Ponyboy, look at me." He cupped the teenager's chin. Ponyboy kept his eyes shut moaning. "Darry's here. You want to make Darry proud don't you?"

**Darry**

Soda had stayed home cooking dinner for the three of us and so I loaned it to get Pony. I'd gotten pretty used to the long drive, even though I hated that place more than I've ever hated any place in my life.

Every time I saw Pony in that place….. He was my brother but he was like a little baby and there wasn't much hope for him improving. And it was mostly my fault.

My mother always told me I better learn to control my temper or one day I would do something I would regret. I just never imagined I might have to regret it for the rest of my life.

You would think I would have learned to be grateful for what I have. You would think losing my parents would have taught me to be thankful for what I have but I just had to want more. I just had to push Pony away. I just had to make him into something he wasn't.

I couldn't be happy with him the way he was. I may not have pushed him in that fountain but I hit him. I hit him and he ran. It wasn't even that. The whole thing was weeks in the making. If I hadn't had let myself take my frustrations out on Pony…… Pony may never be able to be the same again.

Back then I pushed him so he'd go to college, maybe med school or go on to be a lawyer. Now I would be ecstatic if he could even finish high school. Heck if he could ever just say my name I'd be happy.

Every time I see him I feel so guilty. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I never leave in debt unpaid. I did this to my brother and I have to make things right. If I have to I'll take care of him for the rest of his life. Because nothing I do can ever make up for what I've already done. My parents must really hate me these days…….

* * * * * * * * *

"Are you ready Mr. Curtis he's just down the hall…? His therapy session is almost over but you're welcome to sit on the rest of it. "

"Thank you." I nodded at the nurse.

"Right this way just follows me."

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and followed her. I can't say that I've ever been in on one of Pony's sessions before.

The room was kind of like a larger version of a weight room. There were different weight sets, exercise balls, some mats. The therapist was holding a boy up on a set of bars. The boy was hunched over trying to walk. My eyes widened. It was Pony.

He was walking. He was more or less stumbling but he was walking. My little brother who they said would never even open his eyes again was walking. He didn't seem too happy about it but I was thrilled; maybe he was just tired. He hasn't got any energy these days and I guess he was tuckered out.

Pony was moaning and groaning. Something told me that as happy as I was about this ordeal Pony was less than thrilled. I remembered the work I had to do when I hurt my leg playing football freshman year. Maybe this was something a kin to that. Poor Pony.

"Hey little buddy."

The therapist leaned over and whispered something to Pony. Pony stopped moaning and the therapist turned him around. His cheeks were red and his face was drenched in sweat. For a moment my mind flash back to one of his track meets, just looking at him panting at the finish line. His face would be in a proud smile as he looked up at me. And then I remembered where I was.

"You ready to go home kiddo?"

He rocked a little and stumbled. The therapists caught him. "Why don't you go over to your brother? Give it a try."

Pony fell to the floor and grumbled. He let ought a rather loud scream and started to cry. My fourteen year old brother was having a tantrum.

"I'm very sorry about this. We've been at this for a couple hours now. He's fatigued. "

I nodded my head and walked over. I got on my knees in front of Pony and put my hand on his shoulder. "You did real good kiddo." I rubbed his back. He sniffled and I pulled him to me. In a lot of ways Pony is just like a little kid. He's fourteen but his brain is miles from that. Soda, the gang and I all want him to get better but I'm a realist and I know that as much as I want something it doesn't mean it will happen.

I just have to get used to the way things are. I want the world for my little brother but the world don't seem to want to come to him. I'll just do the best I can to make him happy and comfortable. It's all I can do.

Pony fell onto me. I tried to smile at him. "Tuckered out kid, huh?

He moaned a little. "Can you use your words honey?" I asked. He's learned a few words since coming here and the therapists are trying to get him to use it. But Pony is as stubborn as he's always been. At least that has stayed the same. It's just about all that's stayed the same.

I sighed and smiled. "Come on buddy let's get you home. Soda's got food waiting,"

"Ye."

"Is that a yes?" Ponyboy nodded.


	37. Reflections

**Disclaimer- I do not own **_**The Outsiders.**_

_**July 7**__**th**__**, 1967**_

It was visitor's day at the penitentiary. Bob Sheldon could not say he was looking forward to it; but neither could he say he was dreading it. He was sure is parent's would be there. They never missed a chance to see him.

He supposed he should be grateful but he wasn't so sure. He missed his mom and dad but, it wasn't the best thing in the world to be seen with dotting parents in the prison walls. The after effects were at best to be avoided.

The table in the visitor's lounge shook with his leg. Prison had made him, nervous. You had to be on your guard here. It didn't help that a good deal of the inmates were greasers. He'd had run into a few of the friends of the two greasers he had jumped. It hadn't been pretty. The guards had done little to stop it. He wasn't the most popular of the inmates.

'"here he is. Oh Donald he looks so thin." Bob's head shot up. He would know his mother's voice anywhere. It sort of stood out from the crowd.

She rushed to throw her arms around him and Bob found his face flushing. "What are they feeding you Bobby? You are thin as a rail." Bob bit his lip. Why did his mother always have to do this every time she visited?

His dad patted his shoulder. "Now come on Victoria. The boy's a man he can take it. It won't be long before he's out." Bob had been given a 35 year sentence. He didn't doubt his father's certainty of a loophole. He was a very well connected and rich man.

Bob didn't know which gave more credit to his reliability on the matter. But he was sure he would not be getting out. That Curtis kid's brothers would make sure of that. They'd go to the press or something and he would be stuck back behind bars. Nothing helps a cause like a good sob story.

**Johnny**

His mother wasn't home yet. She was out with some guy she had met . he was all alone bBut Johnny kind of liked the quiet. It seemed that these days everyone was fusing over him. if he were to find himself around one of the gang they would not let him lift a finger for himself. His mother could be even worse.

Before the accident Johnny had been independent. If he needed food Johnny would mooch off the gang, true. But more often than not he would have sifted through trash. Cloths, food, you name it the dumpster was where he got it.

Johnny often slept in the lot or the bench at the park. He was always welcome at the Curtis places or Two-Bit's but Johnny liked his independence. He always felt like an intruder sleeping there.

Things were completely different now; like day and night. His mother had never bothered to notice him before unless to yell at him or give him a good whack with the broomstick. She was always too drunk or beaten up to notice. But since the accident and his father's leaving, she had joined the AA. She was sober. She was almost codling him.

Johnny supposed he should be grateful. He'd gotten the family he'd always wanted. Nobody even thought of beating him. He was more confident, more; well he was happier at any rate. But his new found happiness came at a price. He'd lost a good deal of independence.

The house was just barley large enough for him to get around in his chair. The cabinets simply were not built for wheelchair height and they just didn't have the money to fix that situation.

He could not bend far enough to get his own shoes on, though he was getting more adept at finding ways around that. It was degrading to now need help in his day to day life. He could not even take a leak on his own. But Johnny knew that things could be much worse.

Just thinking of Ponyboy made him wince. It made him feel so stupid feeling sorry for himself. At least he could still think for himself. He could read. He could right. Johnny could feed himself, button a shirt. He could say more than a simple sentence.

Johnny had thought about going over to the Curtis place, instead of loniing it around the house; but he thought better of it. Ponyboy was coming home for good from the rehab center. Johnny still cared a great deal about his best friend, but he could not be there today.

Things were difficult enough for the Curtis brothers. Ponyboy was a handful in and of himself. And Darry and Soda were worn out between working overtime and weekend care of Pony. Johnny didn't know for sure how they would do it. Two-Bit had something about an adult day-care, preschool for those unable to care for themselves.

Johnny, in truth, did not much care for the idea. He knew he was being selfish worrying about his own problems. At least he still could get an education. Ponyboy didn't even understand what education was. Johnny was sure his wheelchair was not worse than that.

At one time Ponyboy had been Johnny's best friend. He didn't know if it was because Ponyboy was quiet like him or because he was younger but Pony was easy to talk to. Johnny could not ever bring himself to open up to anyone else in the gang like he could to Pony.

Even when they were kids Pony had been Johnny's buddy. He was smart, he was going places. He was always there to talk to or to help Johnny study for a test.

And now it felt as if Ponyboy wasn't even here anymore. It was a loss that cut deeper then the use of his lower extremities, as the doctor had called them. Ponyboy's body was still here but his mind was somewhere else. Some other person had taken over. The doctor's had told them that his mind would never progress more then having the mind of a three or four year old at best.

The door slammed and Johnny knew his mother was home from her date. She walked over and kissed his cheek. "Hey Johnny." Her dark eyes were twinkling. Hs mother looked younger and happier then he had seen her. She really cared about him.

Johnny sighed. In the end having his mother care about him outweighed his injuries, most days. His life was great in that aspect, lacking in others. But in the end he knew things could be worse. Maybe that bothered him worse than anything else.

**Has it really been this long since an update? I am so sorry. I am swamped as of late and will not be updating as often. The more you review, however, the more likely I am to try for an update.**


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